Chapter35
Logan
Megan had come.My steps faltered as I saw the back of her head, her sitting in her normal chair, her dirty-blond curls falling over the back of it.
Be cool. This probably means nothing.
But maybe it did.
And then I saw Connor too, and thought that something had shifted, something had happened that meant both of them were back after missing last week.
Did that mean anything about Megan and me, though? And if it did, was I ready for that?
I’d gone to see Connor a couple of times since he got out of the hospital. His parents had gotten a Vrbo near campus, and he was staying there with them until they figured out next steps. The second time I’d visited, he pumped me about Megan, sensing something was off. I hadn’t wanted to dump the whole thing on him when he was fresh out of the hospital, but he seemed stronger, and wanted to know what was going on, so I told him.
He'd just shaken his head and mumbled something about timing and self-care and boundaries, and then rolled his eyes at himself, exclaiming that he’d become a mental health savant.
Now, he gave me a chin nod as I entered the room and took my regular seat. I was always the last one to arrive, always coming straight from practice and team meetings, oftentimes having to leave a meeting even before it was over, with Coach’s permission.
“Okay, let’s get started,” Marlo said. “Small group last week, but I’m happy to see you both back, Connor and Megan.” They both nodded. Megan still hadn’t looked my way. “Connor specifically wanted to come tonight and let you all know how he was doing. Go ahead, Connor.”
“I just wanted to let you all know that I’m still here. In Schoolport. Andhere, with you in spirit. I’m going through the Bribury process to come back. They technically can’t stop me from staying in Schoolport, off campus. And I sure as hell am not going back home anytime soon. But, other than for tonight, I will be keeping up with classes remotely at the place that my parents rented. I can’t do any organized lacrosse events either. But we think that I should be back on campus full-time and back on the team, second semester at the latest.”
He looked to Marlo, who nodded her agreement.
“And,” he continued, “I just want to assure you that what happened that night was a one-off. Won’t happen again. Shouldn’t have happened that night. Things just got away from me. But you don’t need to worry about me.”
Dustin, sitting next to Connor, reached over and put his hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Yeah, no. We’re going to worry about you, bro. That’s what we do at Grief Inc. We know you’re strong. But when you’re not, any of us are just a text away.”
Connor nodded.
“Thank you, Connor. And Dustin speaks for all of us.” Marlo then looked at Megan, as if she might have something to say.
“Right. Well, I missed last week and decided to start working with Marlo on a private basis. I’ll be doing that from now on. But I wasstrongly encouragedto be here tonight.” She looked at Connor when she said that, and he gave her a shrug.
Oh,thatwas why she was here. For Connor.
Not for me.
“And I’m glad, so that I can say how much getting to know you all has meant to me. I’ll still be on the group text. Or, I guess, if you want me off it, that’s cool too,” Megan said.
“Wait. Why would we want you off the group text?” Bailey asked.
“Yeah. I mean, I get why Connor’s going it alone, but why are you leaving the group?” Dustin added.
Megan took a deep breath. I caught her movements out of the corner of my eye as she crossed her legs and put her hands in her lap. “Well, I—”
“It’s obvious you and Logan broke up,” Paige said. “That was clear last week when Logan came in looking hopeful and then like a kicked puppy when you didn’t show.”
“We were never— You know what, it doesn’t matter.”
“Wesowere,” I said. I could have done it quietly, but I wasn’t going to play into Megan’s revisionist memory of what we were together.
“This is about aguy?” Bailey said, her voice dripping with disdain.
“Hey,” I said, being said guy. “I didn’t—”
“No offense. You’re great, Logan, but—”
