“Yeah, that’s exactly how you look,” she said, giving the same attempt at a smile back.
“It was stupid. I don’t even know why I hung on to those pills,” he said.
“You know what, it doesn’t matter right now. You can work through that at a later time. You’ve got a lot of resources now for that. For now, just concentrate on getting some fluids in you, your strength up, and getting out of here.”
He nodded.
“And Connor, I’m so, so sorry about what Chloe did to you. I should have been there. I maybe could have—”
“Knock it off, Megan. You’re not responsible for Chloe’s actions. If I hadn’t been so drunk, I would have realized that something was off while Paige and I were talking.”
“That doesn’t mean she should have done what she did.”
“No. Yeah. It was shitty, there’s no doubt about that. But not anything to do with you whatsoever.”
“But I brought her into your life. She knew what our group on Wednesdays was. I could have warned you all a bit more.”
“Because you knew she’d do something like that?”
“No. I honestly could not imagineanyonedoing something like that,” she said. “But maybe I should have. I knew she’d clocked that Logan’s morbid curiosity followers added to her numbers.”
“Jesus Christ, we’re all so fucked up. But not your problem. And I may have met Chloe through you, but I was into her and she knew it. We would have ended up at the same party together somehow anyway. Even if you weren’t involved.”
Megan nodded. “I’m really sorry.”
“You don’t need my absolution, Megan, but you have it. Not your fault.”
They said their goodbyes and Megan left, with me following her into the hall.
I went to hug her, but she put out her hands to stop me.
“Listen, I know this is a crappy time to do this, but…”
Fuck.She might as well have started with “we need to talk,” I was so certain of what she was about to say next.
Certain and yet totally blindsided.
“Megan, we’re all a little raw today. Last night was—”
“It’s not about last night. Or notjustabout last night. This has all hammered home what I’ve been saying all along about how us being together is too complicated right now.”
“No, it’s not. It was only complicated last night, and that was a one-off. I mean, sure, I’m not going to be hanging around your dorm room anymore, but we were mostly at my house anyway. And I can avoid Chloe, because—”
“Logan, listen to me. It’s too much. It’s all too much right now. Can’t you see how fragile we all are? You and Connor more so because more time has passed for me, but we’re all just barely hanging on here. Let’s not add to it.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m totally serious. Except for Wednesdays at group, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
I checked big guys into the boards all the time. Never felt a thing. But Megan, weighing a fraction of what those dudes did, was able to leave my body wrenched and make me lean over to catch my breath. “No, you can’t. It’s too good between us,” I said, bringing my head back up in time to catch the pained expression on her face, which she quickly covered up with a blank look.
“It was good. But the timing is all wrong. Goodbye, Logan,” she said, and walked down the hallway. “Take care of Connor, and take care of yourself.”
Marlo entered the hallway just as Megan got to the end, and they stopped and talked for a second, Marlo mostly nodding.
Then Megan got in the elevator and left me.
* * *
