They were only looking at each other now, forgetting that Chloe—and her phone—were even there.
“So fucking suffocating. And Settlers Hill has goneapocalypticover this thing. Parents against each other. Different factions. Everybody trying to find fault. My buddies’ parents both smothering me because I was with their kids when they died and also acting like… I don’t know, that I don’t deserve to be here if they aren’t.”
Paige put her arm around Connor’s shoulders. I was so glad she’d been there for him in that moment. And even more furious that Chloe was there too.
And filming this private, devastating moment.
“No, I’m sure they don’t feel that way. Not really. It’s just super hard for parents, right? To lose a child. My parents still catch themselves starting to call me by Clara’s name. Something they did all the time, and we’d just roll our eyes. Now it’s like a fresh cut.”
“Yeah, totally. Fresh cuts. That’s what it’s like anytime someone from home texts or calls. And the people who came out of the woodwork at the funerals? I mean it’s nice people want to pay their respect. I get that. But pretending you’re so much closer to it than you are? Kind of fucked up.”
“God, I know—people I knew that Clara had barely ever met needed to tell me how close they were. And I’m just staring at them like, ‘Bitch, my sister didn’t even know your last name,’ while I’m just smiling and nodding.”
“Yeah, I know those people. We had lots of them. My uncle came up to me at one of my buddies’ funerals when he saw I was overwhelmed and said not to sweat it. Those people. How’d he say it? Yeah. At a funeral, there’s always the ‘best friends with the dead guy’ people, and best to steer clear of them.”
Paige nodded, chuckling. I was happy she found the humor in it, and I knew exactly what Connor’s uncle had meant. I’d experienced it myself with a couple of people at my mom’s funeral. Not as much well-meaning, as just wanting to be part of it.
“I never want to go back to that fucking town,” Connor said.
“Well, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but give it time, before cutting all cords. Isn’t that what Wednesday night is all about?”
“’Scuse me, coming through,” came a female voice from behind Paige and Connor. Someone had come from the hallway and needed to get down the stairs. They moved aside, and a pair of legs and great boots walked between them and down to the side of Chloe. She never moved the camera from Paige and Connor, so you couldn’t see the upper body or face of the girl who had come from the hallway.
But I knew those boots. Or someone who had a pair just like them.
I watched as the video concluded with Connor tearing up and Paige hugging him. Chloe turned the camera off them (finally!) and toward herself.
“Loss is hard, y’all. We need to take care of ourselves and each other. Grace, bitches.” She’d spoken softly, nearly a whisper, as if not to tip off Connor and Paige.
Disgusted with Chloe, I watched it again, but this time I turned off the sound and enlarged it so I was just looking at the hallway over Paige’s and Connor’s shoulders. I was right about the boots. They were Ches’s.
And she was leaving Logan’s bedroom while still putting herself together. Buckling her belt, doing up the last button of her top, and fluffing out her just-fucked hair.
Chapter31
Logan
There wasa rap on Connor’s door, and I looked at him to see if he wanted anyone else in the room. I assumed it was Megan, but maybe Marlo had arrived. “Megan’s out there, but if you’d rather not—”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Whatever,” Connor said. His voice was raspy, and I wondered if it was from his stomach being pumped. He had an IV drip with fluids going, and looked really rough.
But alive.
I opened the door to Megan, who said quietly, “I don’t want to disturb Connor if he’d rather not see any more people, but can I talk to you out here for a second?”
Her voice was strange, and she looked at the top of my chest, not in my eyes. So, she’d looked at Chloe’s post. And felt like shit about it.
It wasn’t Megan’s fault, but I found I was glad she saw the wrongness of it as much as I did.
“Yeah, of course,” I said, and turned to Connor to tell him I’d be right back.
“Hey, Megan, you can come in. It’s not contagious,” Connor joked.
“Christ, Connor,” Jack said, pissed but also exhausted. He turned his back to us all and stared out the window.
Megan came to Connor’s bedside. She didn’t hesitate to take his hand in hers. I should have thought of that, but she had a much better sense of that kind of thing than I did. “Hey, how are you feeling?” she asked.
“Like I got drunk, took pills, and had emergency treatment,” Connor said, trying to give her a limp smile.
