There was a tiny question in her voice, and it seemed like there could be a very small crack there, a tiny space for wiggle room where maybe I could spin it so Lily and I could still see each other.
But no, that was not the person Lily was. She might not know who she was yet, but I knew she was a person of honesty and integrity, and I did not want to be the one who crumbled that.
Shit, I wanted to emulate it.
“I know,” I said, pulling her back into me, my hand in her glorious hair, holding her head into my chest again. “I know you gave your word, Lily. And I know you’ll keep it. That’s why I love you.”
Her arms snaked around my waist, and we stood like that, her quietly crying, me doing my best not to.
Later, but not now. Now I could be strong for Lily, like she had been for me.
I gauged about the time when Andy would get bored and come barreling out of the classroom. Just before what I deemed that moment to be, I pulled away from Lily and wiped her tears away with my thumb.
I moved to kiss her, but stopped myself. What was the point? It would only remind me of the sweetness I would never again taste.
“I love you, Lucas,” she whispered.
“I love you too,” I said, taking my hands from her face, stepping away.
Proving my timing correct, Andy opened the door to the classroom and declared himself starving.
“Let’s get you home and fed,” I said, steering Andy away from the love of my life.
“See you Thursday,” Andy called back to Lily. I saw the stricken look on her face at the thought of having to go through the pain of seeing each other—and yet not—two days from now.
“I’ll have Stick bring him on Thursday, and both days next week,” I said. Next week would be the last two sessions. I’d looked into more lessons for Andy next semester, but there would be nearly a month before those started up. And if Lily was one of the instructors, I’d have to rethink it entirely.
“Thanks,” she said to the solution of Stick coming in my place for the last three lessons.
“And I’ll be done with the steam room next week, too,” I said.
She nodded. “Okay. I’m sure it will look great.”
I shrugged. It would look great to me, but I thought it would seem like a lopsided tiling job to pretty much everybody else. Frank had approved my plan, though, and had been happy with my work thus far, so I was covered.
“This was your building first,” I said, trying to make light in a moment that was breaking my heart.
And hers too, if her eyes were any indication. Though she put a tremulous smile on her face as she said, “You’re damn right. You may have had it on loan, but that steam room is mine.” Her voice wobbled at the last and she looked away. Then turned away.
“Bye, Lily,” I said, and started walking away from her, Andy tagging along at my side, then dashing ahead of me.
“Goodbye, Lucas,” I thought I heard her say, but I wasn’t sure.
Chapter26
Lily
The last dayof swim lessons I thought Lucas might show up, but he kept his word and had Stick drop off Andy. The kids were really cute and so proud to show off the great strides they’d made during the ten-week program. For the last half-hour we just let them jump off the diving board, half of us instructors in the water if needed, the other half on the pool deck with the kids.
In a way, it was probably good that Lucas had indeed stayed away. I planned to keep my part of the deal I made with my father, but it had been so hard the day I told Lucas we had to stop seeing each other. And the pain hadn’t lessened since. I’d started to text him several times, but had stopped myself. I almost had Jane wipe him from my contacts and texts—I couldn’t seem to do it myself—but I didn’t. Some masochistic part of me would pull up texts he’d sent and read them over and over.
Over the weekend, Syd, Jane, and I had gone to a few parties, and I’d tried to engage, tried to look at the Bribury guys with new and fresh eyes, but it hadn’t worked. I only saw visions of Lucas sitting up in the spectator area watching me. Or flashes of his big and beautiful body over me, his hands in my hair, him whispering that he loved me.
Syd and Jane had pity on me, but I knew I was being a complete Debbie Downer. Yeah, we’d only been together seven weeks, and I had my whole college career—hell, my whole life—ahead of me. But Lucas was…the one.
On some level I knew I would go on. I would have college boyfriends. I would one day get married, and I’d love my husband. But I also knew with absolute certainty that I would never love anyone the way I loved Lucas Kade.
We gave out certificates of completion to the kids after the lesson, in the hallway with the mothers. Hugs were also given out to the kids, and I hung on to Andy a bit longer than his squirming six-year-old body would allow. He didn’t get that I probably wouldn’t ever see him again, and I didn’t bring it up. Let Lucas handle that one. Or maybe Andy had enough going on in his life that not seeing Miss Lily again would be of little notice to him.
