“I’m listening.”
“You’re the only person I want as Sophia’s nanny, Sadie. She trusts you.Itrust you. What happened tonight…” My words trail off because I want to tell her that what happened earlier was fucking amazing. I don’t want her thinking for one second that it wasn’t exactly what I wanted. But Sophia’s face flashes in my mind and I keep all those thoughts to myself. “It doesn’t change any of that. There’s no one else I want taking care of my daughter. Please believe me when I say that.”
Sadie’s eyes never leave mine. She takes a moment to digest what I just told her and then smiles.
“Okay, Niko. I believe you. I’ll see you tomorrow?” As soon as the question leaves her mouth a giant yawn escapes her, loud and unrestrained. Her eyes widen and she covers her mouth in embarrassment. “Oh my god. You did not just hear me do that.”
“Hear what?” I chuckle to myself, and Sadie finally drops her hand from her mouth.
“I plan on bringing most of my stuff with me tomorrow so I can stay the night. With your game being so late, I figured I should make myself at home as soon as possible.”
“Sounds good. Good night, Sadie.”
“Night.”
The video call disconnects, and I throw my head against the leather recliner I’m sitting in. The thought of Sadie being here permanently, at least through playoffs, invading our space, sends a conflicting thrill through me. Sophia will always be my number one, but I can’t deny what I feel for this woman. There’s this gravitational pull I feel toward her anytime I’m in the same room as her. And now she’ll be here, in our home, every single day.
How the hell am I supposed to push these unrelenting feelings aside? I’m going to have to figure it the fuck out because Idon’t have another choice. Sophia is my priority. It’s as simple as that.
I’ve raised Sophia on my own, slowly putting the broken pieces of her heart back together every time her mother leaves her behind. I’ve become one of the leading scorers in the NHL and the captain of my team.
If I can manage both those things simultaneously, I can survive Sadie being Sophia’s nanny.
How hard could it be?
It’s been a little over a week since I moved into the apartment at Niko and Sophia’s. I’ll admit, I was a little nervous about the whole nanny arrangement after Niko and I kissed. I could feel the press of his lips against mine for a solid twenty-four hours after that moment. My entire body ached the moment I pulled away from him that night. As much as I may crave Niko’s touch and presence, I can’t push away thoughts in my mind telling me it’s a terrible idea.He’ll get sick of you. He’ll end up pushing you away like everyone else. It will destroy you and Sophia.
That last thought was the determining factor. Niko has shown that he understands me and has embraced some of my quirkiness, but the fear of eventually letting him down is strong. And the fear of letting Sophia down in the process? She doesn’t deserve that. As I sit here, staring at her while we make matching friendship bracelets, that fear is only amplified when I see what she’s spelling out with the letter beads.
“I’m almost done, Miss Sadie. Look!”
Sophia holds out the bracelet to me, and I fight the emotion rising in me as I read the words I LOVE U.
“Wow, Sophia. That’s for me?”
She nods. “Yep. You’re my best friend. Of course I love you.” Sophia gets back to work on alternating green and black beads to match the rest of the bracelet and I have to look down at my own piece of jewelry I’m working on so she doesn’t see the tears in my eyes.
I already finished the bracelet I made for Sophia and am currently working on one for myself. Sophia’s bracelet is an ombré of shades of purple and says SUNSHINE. Over the last week that’s exactly what she’s become to me. She lights up my world and brightens every day. I’ve even begun calling her Sunshine when putting her to bed or when she wakes up in the morning. She’s my little ray of sunshine.
The bracelet I’m making for myself matches the one Sophia makes for me—Bobcats green, black, and white. When I get to the center of the bracelet where I’d put a word or saying, my fingers hover over the symbol and number beads. Without thinking, I grab two beads and finish with the alternating colors. Once I’ve tied my bracelet, I help Sophia with hers. As I’m tying the one she made for me, I can feel Niko before I even hear or see him.
“What do we have here?” Niko’s voice sends a thrill through me, and I shove the excitement down. I will not go there.
Sophia hops off the ground where we’ve been working at the coffee table and lifts her arm for her dad to get a closer look.
“Look, Daddy! Miss Sadie made me a bracelet. It says ‘sunshine’ because I light up Miss Sadie’s world.”
When I glance up, Niko’s eyes are already on me, steady and unblinking. There’s gratitude plain in his expression but that’s not all I see. Something unspoken passes between us, and the look makes my chest ache. It’s gone in a blink but I felt it. I shove that feeling down too, reminding myself why I can’t go there and busy myself with cleaning up the beads in front of me.
“I love it,Rakas.” Niko’s own nickname for his daughter makes me smile. It’s in his native language but I know less about Finnish than I do about the stock market. And that’s saying a lot, because I know next to nothing about stocks.
“What doesRakasmean?” I ask curiously.
“It means ‘love.’ Right, Daddy?”
Niko smiles down at his daughter. “That’s right.”
Sophia rushes over to me and yanks on my arm. “Miss Sadie! Show my dad the one I made for you.” She continues to pull on me until I stand and then she drags me over to where Niko is standing. She pulls my hand up to Niko before I even realize what he’s about to see.
