Gods, I love that sound.
With a sigh, he slips into the water beside me, the darkness enveloping us as we both tread water. The minimal distance between us allows me to feel the warmth radiating from his body. Our silence is louder than cannon fire, filled with every word we’re too afraid to say. I can’t bring myself to swim away. How long until one of us breaks? How long will we play this game, letting this tension build between us?
After what feels like a small eternity, he reaches out, his hand cradling my face with a tenderness that gives me butterflies. I hold his gaze as his thumb glides softly across my cheek.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” My voice is barely audible over the soft lapping of the water.
“I—” he pauses, gulping. “Sleep well, Raea.”
Disappointment crashes into me. I’m not even sure why. I don’t know what I want from him. Needing to feel something other than the lingering hurt, I close the distance between us, my hand settling on his shoulder as I lean in and place a soft kiss against his stubbledcheek. For a moment, I’m pretty sure he stops breathing. I pull away slowly, watching him, before turning and swimming away.
I dress quickly, acutely aware of his gaze following me as he makes his way to the shore, but he remains in the water, allowing me the space to compose myself. Just before I slip into the shadows of the forest, I glance back, locking eyes with him once more.
In that fleeting moment, an entire world of unsaid words passes between us.
seventeen
. . .
I spentmost of yesterday in my room, needing a quiet space to catch up on my assignments and rest. Sleep had been intermittent, plagued by restlessness and tormenting dreams.
Preparing for another school day, I meticulously braid my hair, weaving the white strands into two neat plaits. Feeling overwhelmed by the amount of assignments I still need to submit, I grab my bag and pray I’ll have enough time to grab something to go before submitting my Aeronautics report.
I open my door, attempting to slip out unnoticed. Instead, I do a double-take, finding Anders leaning casually against the balustrade across the hall.
“I see you chose not to invade my personal space today,” I grumble, turning toward the stairs.
“And I see that you’re as cheery as ever,” he shoots back with amusement. “You really are a grumpy thing in the morning.” He extends a hand toward me, and I glance down to see a steaming cup of tea being thrust into mine.
“You brought me tea?” I refuse to allow the weird lump in my throat to mean anything. My feelings for him keep growing without my approval.
“Don’t worry,” he replies nonchalantly, falling into step next to me as we descend the stairs together. “It’s more for me than for you. This way, your mouth is busy consuming your first caffeine hit instead of firing off snarky comments before I’ve had my breakfast.”
I feel a smile tugging at my lips despite my resolve to remain grumpy. I take a tentative sip of the tea as we reach the bottom of the stairs, discovering it’s the perfect blend of honey and green tea.
“About our little trip to the Isles,” he starts, pulling me into an alcove. “I never got to finish explaining. We can go next month. Their chief is unavailable until then.” I nod, taking another sip.
“I haven’t been able to find any texts, but I’m not giving up on that. Last week in Bonding, that Seer’s book Professor Becca uploaded—I want to see the whole thing.”
“It’s a good idea.”
Students pass us, unaware of us as they take the covered walkway to the dining hall. “If you need help, just let me know.” His hand moves to my lower back as we slide into the flow of students.
When we enter the rush of the dining hall, I swear I feel a gentle squeeze of his hand on my hip, guiding me through the throng of students. By the time the crowd thins for him, Anders has already made his way across the room, taking a seat with Trysten and Elex, leaving me reeling.
“Rae,” Kellan calls out as he quickens his pace to catch up to me. A bright smile spreads across his face. “Hey! Didn’t see you yesterday. Aolyn mentioned you weren’t feeling well?” We step into the line for simple fare.
“I’m okay now,” I reply, attempting to shake off the lingering fatigue. “I just didn’t sleep well. How was Mori?” As we inch closer to the breakfast window, his eyes light up as he begins sharing every detail about his recent visit to the intelligence room. His words tumble out in a stream of consciousness, and I mentally note to discuss the possibility of Kellan visiting the one at the palace.
When he turns the conversation to my weekend, I hesitate before admitting I had gone to the game. I keep it vague, not wanting to delve into details. I’m not ready to share how I actually enjoyedwatching Anders or dish out details about Cole. I’m not sure how we’ve ended up here. I usually tell Kellan everything, but this year, things feel different between us.
As we finally reach the window, I grab a plate with an assortment of fruit and a berry muffin to take back to the dorm while I submit my work. I glance over to find Kellan grabbing the same.
“Why are you eating this? They have protein dishes over there.” I gesture to the far side of the dining hall, where heaping plates of sausages and browned potatoes wait in the windows.
He shrugs with a faint blush tinging his cheeks. “I don’t know. I just wanted to talk to you.” I roll my eyes playfully and tell him to go get what he wants, and promise to talk more later.
Just as I’m about to head back to Taeolyn, Trysten corners me with a nervous smile. “Morning, Raea.” He fidgets, glancing at Anders, and then back to me. I wait, wondering what he needs before he admits he’s finally ready to take over my training. On days when I don’t run, I meet him in the gym. I don’t know what prompted the discussion, or what Anders said to convince him, but I agree, thankful that he even offered.
