I am crazy.
As I look up at him, he’s wearing an authentic smile that softens my anxiety. It makes me want to see more of them. I can’t help but notice how his eyes crinkle at the corners and how his annoyingly adorable dimple pops on his right cheek. It’s utterly disarming. I can’t even remember what made me dislike him in the first place.
Oh, gods, no...I can’t let myself fall for dimples. But his smile? It seems capable of warming the entire universe.
“Yes?” he encourages, a playful smirk dancing on his lips as he notices my gaze lingering on his mouth.
I can’t help but roll my eyes before looking up at the stars above. Perhaps they’re the better audience for my confession.
I muster up the honesty before saying, “It’s hard to put into words. It feels like throwing open the windows after being in the dark for so long. Suddenly, there’s light and color everywhere, and a whole world just waiting to be explored. There’s an incredible blend of warmth and cold, with the deepest shadows contrasting against the brightest lights. It’s power and comfort all at once.” I glance back down at him,finding him relaxed against the rock, and I can’t help but frown a little.
“It’s different,” he exhales. “Raea, that power…I think it’s coming from you.” He turns his head, watching my reaction that doesn’t come. I think I’m too stunned. “What else?” he asks, his fingertips nearly brushing against my hand on the rock. It sends a prickling awareness through me, and I wonder if he even notices. It would only take a slight movement to reignite everything we’ve been dancing around.
“It’s just… right,” I manage, pushing back the lump in my throat. “Being with you feels like an answer to a question I didn’t know I needed to ask, and wrapped up in that feeling is this whirlwind of desire. Ugh, I can’t believe I’m saying all of this!” With an exasperated huff of disbelief, I glance back at the stars as if they’re far better at receiving confessions than he is.
“Soraea,” he whispers, snagging my attention. “I understand,” he continues, his voice dropping to a deeper timbre. “Just hear me out before you run off.” His sapphire eyes lock onto mine. “We’re stuck together for the rest of the year, and we both know it. So, instead of having another little moment—” He makes air quotes with his fingers. “In front of everyone else, let’s explore this and see how deep it goes. Maybe we can figure out a way to manage it so we don’t react at a simple touch.” He sits up, our eyes level, his gaze glowing with an almost irresistible light.
“I’m scared,” I admit, squaring my shoulders and holding his stare, feeling lost in the depths of his eyes as I watch the silver swirl quietly. It’s terrifying to strip back the layers and admit how strong my feelings have grown so quickly.
“I understand. We can keep this between us until we truly figure it out, and we won’t know until we take that leap. Just you and me. All you have to do is take my hand.” I find myself captivated by his sincerity. It’s hard to believe how we’ve become anus.
My heart races at the thought, and I hesitate, biting my lip, trying to keep from saying yes. He’s so hard to think clearly around. Even if every part of me wants to stay, I shouldn’t be here. I need to check inwith Kellan and Ciara. They’re probably wondering where I’ve disappeared to.
“I can’t. Not tonight. My friends are likely worried about me,” I blurt out, my body acting before my mind can catch up. I stand quickly, taking my bag in hand and glancing back to see him still sitting there. “Thanks for chatting with me.” I offer a wavering smile despite the ache it leaves behind. I need to distance myself while I still feel in control and keep everything from unraveling.
“Where have you been?” Kellan rushes to my side as I step into the softly lit Taeolyn dorms. “We looked everywhere for you! You vanished and didn’t answer your Prism.” The relief and concern merge into exhaustion in his eyes.
“I know, it felt like you were right beside me, then suddenly...poof!” Ciara adds, her face reflecting the same stress.
“Told you she’s okay,” Tate chimes in from his cozy spot in what we affectionately call the tube, a circular nook filled with cushions. It’s the perfect place to relax or dive into a good book.
“I’m really sorry,” I reply sincerely, hoping they know I didn’t mean to worry them.
“You missed dinner, but don’t worry, I saved you a plate. It’s in your room. I’ll let you catch up since it’s clear she’s not been kidnapped,” Tate says with a smirk, throwing an amused glare at Ciara as if that could ever be a real worry.
Little do they know how close I was to danger today. The pang of guilt settles in, making me feel uneasy. With a wave and a goodnight, Tate heads up the stairs, leaving me with my two best friends.
“Rae?” Ciara asks, her brows furrowing with concern. I hesitate to admit where I’ve been and with whom. Everyone knows that Anders has been assigned to me, so I don’t need to deceive them about his presence, but I just can’t fully explain our time together. It’s not thatwe did anything wrong—far from it. It’s just that the experience was intimate in a way that’s hard to articulate.
“Sorry! After class, I felt overwhelmed and really needed to step away. Did you guys notice how intense that room felt?” I glance between them, hoping to find some understanding. But as they exchange uncertain looks and shake their heads, I realize today just needs to wrap up. I pinch the bridge of my nose, wishing for a hot shower and my bed. “Anyway, I ran out of the hall to gather my thoughts, and Ryker followed to ensure I was okay. I wound up getting lost in my thoughts, and I genuinely lost track of time. It felt like only thirty minutes had passed.”
I realize I’m rambling, a hazard of being a talkative, nervous person. But by the expressions on their faces, it’s clear they’ve heard enough.
“Wait, you and Ryker were in the forest for the past two hours?” Kellan asks, and I can see a hint of disappointment in his eyes. I want to reassure him, but I also need to be honest.
“Yep. We were just talking. Interestingly, he met my father today since he had to fly to Kyrr for a politics assignment. I didn’t mean to cause any concern for you both,” I explain.
Ciara shares a playful wink and a cheeky smile before saying she needs to catch up on her beauty sleep, joking that she’ll turn me over to the Dhabur, a mythical monster parents use to scare their kids into behaving.
“Come here,” Kellan says, and I gladly wrap my arms around him. His hug feels like home to me, so different from what I experience with Anders. I cling to him, resting my head against his chest and inhaling his scent. I’m so thankful to have him. Even if there’s a lot we need to talk about, I know Kellan will always be here for me.
I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now, as if a good night’s sleep might not be enough to lift this weight. Today has brought a mix of emotions: longing, anger, confusion, you name it, I’ve experienced it all.
“I’m so sorry I worried you,” I say softly.
Kellan kisses the top of my head, a gesture he’s done so manytimes, yet today, it feels different. I can feel the shift of energy in the air as Kellan’s embrace tightens around me. I close my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts. As much as I appreciate Kellan’s protective presence, I’m just not sure I’m ready to face both of them.
“You could have brought her back instead of leaving her out in the cold,” Kellan remarks sharply. I draw back from his embrace and capture Kellan’s attention.
