ten
I cameto my senses a minute later and pushed him away from me by putting a hand on his chest.
“We can’t do this,” I said breathlessly. What the heck had I been thinking? I couldn’t go after Charlie. The whole idea was insane.
“Why not?” Charlie asked.
“We just can’t.”
He grinned at me, showing off that stupid smile that always made my heart flutter in my chest and my brain lose all sense of reason. It wasn’t fair how much power that smile had over me.
“That doesn’t seem like a very good reason.”
He leaned in again to kiss me, but I kept my hand on his chest, holding him at arm’s length again. He sighed and shook his head.
“Why not, Madison?” he asked again.
“Because—” I shook my head. “What do you mean why not? You’re my brother’s best friend.”
“So?” He ran his thumb across my jawline and I melted into his touch. “You’re my best friend’s sister. And my sister’s friend for that matter.” His tone made it clear that he didn’t understand why I brought it up, but how could he not see it?
“But if we do this…” I trailed off, not entirely sure how to finish that sentence. If we did this, things would go very, very badly, but I didn’t know how to express that well.
“Don’t you want to?” Charlie asked.
“Of course I do,” I whispered. My eyes fluttered shut as I pictured him kissing me again, imagined the way it would feel. “But we can’t.”
“Matthew never has to know.”
“Charlie…”
“Just for tonight,” he whispered in my ear. His breath tickled me and I couldn’t hold back my grin. “Just this once.”
I opened my eyes again. His face was mere inches away from mine, allowing me to see the specks of gold and green in his brown eyes. How many nights had I imagined him being this close to me? How many times had I wished that he wasn’t so very off-limits? Matthew didn’t even like me hanging out with his friends, let alone kissing them. If he ever found out about this, he would kill me.
“We never tell,” I said. What was one more secret kiss with Charlie? I’d kept the party a secret from him for the past two years… Couldn’t I keep this a secret from Matthew?
“Never.”
I took a deep breath as I prepared for what I was going to say. I had a feeling I was going to regret this—whether Matthew found out about it or not—but what was life without some risks?
“Kiss me again,” I said.
Charlie smiled and quickly obliged. Once again, I leaned into it much more than I should have and I could feel all my inhibitions slipping away. If Matthew found out, he would be so angry, but that was a small price to pay for this moment.
Charlie’s hand ran along my back. The tips of his fingers grazing the spot between my shoulder blades, sending shivers down my spine. I pulled him closer, never wanting to let himgo. We kissed until we were tired and our breaths came in short gasps. When at last we came up for air, I couldn’t help, but smile. This was the best night of my life.
“Now tell me that wasn’t fun,” Charlie murmured, his hands still running through my hair.
“Yes,” I said, smiling. “It was.”
“Good,” he said, and kissed me again. This time it was slower, more deliberate. I wondered if he’d ever imagined this the way I did, if ever laid awake at night thinking about me. I wondered if he—like me—felt drunk on this forbidden move.
I wanted more of this moment, even as my brain screamed at me to stop. I was going to get too attached—and I knew that—but it didn’t stop me from continuing. I let myself imagine that just for tonight, Charlie was my boyfriend. That he was the love of my life that I thought I would never get.
Some days, I was okay and even happy with the fact that a love like that wasn’t going to happen for me. If I wasn’t in a relationship, it freed me up to do what I want. I got a new boy every couple of weeks and it was fun and spontaneous. But some days, like today for some reason, all I could think about was the emptiness in my heart that was never filled by those relationships. The boys that I dated didn’t want to get to know me, not really. And I couldn’t blame them, because I was the same. We were just having fun and that was it. No deep feelings necessary or wanted. Most of the time, it was what I wanted. But on rare occasions, I found myself wanting more and had my heart broken every time I remembered that it would never be mine.
So just for tonight, I told myself. Just for tonight, I could pretend Charlie was mine—that I’d gotten everything I’d ever wished for.
