“You always were an optimist,” Tameron said, stepping forward.
“I’d like to think I’m a realist, but that’s semantics.” If Dayton and Tameron were here, that meant… “Who knows?”
Tameron winced. “Everyone.”
I swallowed. “Forest?”
“The hospital called him as your next of kin,” Dayton confirmed.
Oh fuck. That must’ve scared the shit out of him. “Is he okay? Where is he?”
Tameron and Dayton shared a look, one I didn’t like at all. What were they not saying? “What’s wrong? Is something wrong with him? Is he having another flare-up?”
Dayton gently patted my shoulder. “He’s okay. Under the circumstances.”
“He’s upset about my accident?” I still wasn’t getting the whole picture.
“Creek showed up,” Tameron then said softly, and my breath got stuck in my aching lungs. “And he now knows everything. Forest’s diagnosis and the fact that you’re married.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
This was what I had feared the whole time, what I’d wanted to avoid by coming clean before he could find out. And now it was too late, and judging by Dayton’s painful expression, Creek had not reacted well. “He exploded?”
“Kinda.” Tameron sighed. “And then Forest dropped some truth bombs about why he’d been so reluctant to tell him in the first place, and things went downhill from there.”
I closed my eyes to hide the moisture forming there. Why was I even crying? Had to be the meds. Or the pain. “Where’s Forest now? I want to see him, make sure he’s okay.”
When neither of them answered, I opened my eyes again, tears and all, just in time to catch another meaningful look between them. It hurt to see it, to be so aware of that still-growing bond between them. They were so in love and in tune, and I wanted that too. I wanted Forest. “Where is he?” My voice broke.
“He went home,” Tameron said with more sensitivity than I’d ever heard from him. “He didn’t think…” Another look at Dayton. “He didn’t think you needed him here, since we were all by your side.”
Knowing that he’d meant it, that he truly felt that way, hurt more than any injury ever could. “I’m in love with him…” I whispered. “So incredibly, head-over-heels, crazy in love with him.”
“Does he know?” Dayton asked, and I think it was more out of reflex than anything else because we all knew the truth.
“No…” I had to close my eyes again. They were still so heavy, even more so when the tears burned and stung. “I didn’t want to put pressure on him since he’s in such a vulnerable position.”
“Top,” Tameron said, and something in his tone made me look at him and meet his eyes. “It’s not so easy now that it’s you, is it?”
“Tam…” Dayton interjected, sounding a little shocked, but Tameron waved him off.
“He needs to hear this.”
I didn’t want to ask, but I had to. I owed him that much. “What do you mean?”
“You always taught us to speak truth, to live in truth. You called us out when we were hiding from ourselves, or at least trying to. You taught me that until I was acknowledging my demons, I wouldn’t be able to overcome them…but it’s not so easy now that they’re your demons, is it?”
My throat was so tight I couldn’t have swallowed if I’d been forced to. “I’m so scared of losing him, of saying or doing the wrong thing and having to watch him walk out of my life.”
“Like us.”
Oh god, he was going for my kneecaps now. “Tameron…”
“Be honest, Nash. For once, be honest, not just with me but with yourself. You’re struggling without us.”
I couldn’t stop the tears now as they escaped from my eyes, meandering down my cheeks. And everything hurt too much to even make the effort to wipe them away. “It’s killing me… I miss you all so much, but there’s nothing I can say or do because you’re doing exactly what I’ve always wanted for you. You’re happy and living your best lives, and I’m…not. I feel so…lost. Alone. The only time I don’t feel that is when I’m with Forest. He’s…”
He’d become my everything. I hadn’t even fully realized it until I’d put it into words just now, but he was bringing me somuch joy and a deep sense of satisfaction that went way beyond sex. I was happy when I was with him, despite all the challenges we were facing.
