I had no idea if the garage was on the way, but having another task was amazing. And Nash giving it to me made me feel good.Like he wasn’t going to treat me like I was made of glass, the way Creek would have done.Like maybe I wasn’t quite whole again, but I was strong enough to do things that made me feel normal.
Even if I couldn’t have my car.
Or a job, apparently.
Or anything remotely close to a functional relationship. Though with Nash’s offer of marriage still hanging over my head, maybe that one was a good thing. I doubt some guy I met off Grindr was going to leap at the chance to marry me just to share his benefits.
“Forest?”
I blinked up at him.
“You good?”
I took a breath and nodded. “Planning my route.” I was a lying liar who lied, but I didn’t want him to know just how seriously I was considering his offer. Not yet. Not until I was sure it was my last hope because the concept was technically fraud.
And while I didn’t feel particularly sad about fucking over the government or the bullshit state of insurance and healthcare in this country, I would never forgive myself if Nash got caught and lost what he currently had.
He touched my jaw. He’d been freer with physical affection since we’d started sharing this secret.
I didn’t mind it either. I didn’t mind feeling his warm skin against mine. And when I leaned into it, he smiled and let his graze linger.
“I’m glad to see you up.”
“Don’t let it fool you. I’m still freaking out,” I admitted. “But I realized I can’t sit and rot forever.”
“So you’re starting a garden?”
I laughed and shook my head, moving to the counter to flick the kettle on. “I think I’m going to start with a potted plant before going too wild. I figure if I can keep, like…I don’t know, a fern alive, then I can work on myself.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” he said. He flipped open the lid to the bread box and pulled out a plastic bag full of what looked like homemade muffins. “Here. From Bean. Something about Greek yogurt and protein. I quit listening after he said the words chia seeds and carob chips, but they taste amazing.”
He slid one toward me, and I hesitated because solid foods and my stomach were not getting along. But I probably did need the fiber and protein.
“So,” Nash said as he watched me take a small bite. Okay, it was amazing, and I took a bigger one after I swallowed. “Do I need to apologize?”
I started choking and quickly coughed up a carob chip that had gone down the wrong pipe. “A-apologize?” I managed. “For what?”
Nash shoved one hand into his pocket and rocked back and forth from the balls of his feet to his heels like he was nervous. “I know I kind of…just threw a lot of marriage shit at you while you were dealing with the whole losing your job situation. I, ah—” Herubbed the back of his neck. “I’m a fixer, you know? Someone comes to me with a problem, and I fix it. Hence the job.”
I couldn’t hide a smile. That was boiling him down to one thing, but it was a very apropos thing. He wasn’t as bad as Creek, but hehaddone nothing but try to fix things for me since I got here. And in the months I had been around, I’d seen him do the same with the other guys.
Hell, when they’d all started moving on to new paths, he’d started to look a little…lost.
Fuck, was I just a project to him?
There was a sudden lump in my throat, and I turned away, fiddling with the canister of tea bags while I composed myself. I didn’t need to think that way. Maybe I had things that needed help or needed fixing, but I believed Nash liked me for who I was.
I wasn’t just some replacement for what he was losing.
Was I?
“I know damn well I could have started that conversation a little better than I did. You were processing so much and?—”
“It’s fine.”
“Forest,” he said, his voice a low rumble. His fingers grazed the space right above my left hip. “It’s not fine. Can you look at me?”
I dropped the tea bag into the cup, then turned my head. “Itisfine.”
