I shouldn’t blame Kel for my father’s death. But I’d come here to yell at him, to have things out once and for all, to get rid of all of the pent-up pain. And this was just another affliction I needed to express.
He sighed heavily. “You don’t know how many times I’ve wondered the same thing. I… I thought I was doing the right thing, but I messed everything up.” He sounded defeated.
Good.
I spun on Kel again, the pain of not being with my father when he passed a new fuel for my anger. My shouts now were nearly incoherent through tears and snot and a throat swollen with emotion.
“That’s right! You did! It’s all your fault Kel! It’s… How could you!” I wanted to keep going but the fatigue from Daz’s healing, which I’d been powering through, finally caught up to me. I stumbled, falling forward.
Kel was up in an instant and caught me. And when he did, those strong arms gathered me close to him and held me tight.
I hated him and loved him for it at the same time.
I pounded my fists against his chest and wept onto his shoulder, mumble-shouting meaningless words. The words didn’t matter, he just needed to know how I felt.
“I know,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, Tisi.”
I stopped pounding on his chest and let myself melt into him, supported by him, held and warm and…
No…
No! I didn’t want to be comforted, not by him, not now.
I pushed away violently and almost fell back. This time I did manage to catch myself on the wall.
Gods, I was weak as a kitten. I shook my head slowly.
“No,” was all I managed to say, though I didn’t really know what that meant. I only knew I had done what I’d come to do, but this hadn’t gone how I’d imagined at all.
Knowing his side of the story only made things worse.
I rushed out as fast as my staggering legs would carry me, slamming the door behind me. I stumble-ran, wiping my tears on a sleeve, so very thankful no one else was about in these dark halls.
Kel didn’t follow.
Part of me was very glad.
Part of me broke a little more.
Gods, I was a mess. I’d come here to sort myself out and now I was a hundred times worse.
I’d hoped I would be able to face Daz after I’d talked to Kel. I’d hoped I could come to terms with Daz’s admission of love, but that, added to everything else, only made my emotional load all the heavier. I couldn’t deal with any of this!
I burst out from the compound, past Harik and Beson, and fled into the city.
I didn’t return home, I couldn’t, not yet.
I found a dark alley and alternated between heaving sobs and punching walls. Neither made me feel any better.
CHAPTER 19
Kelric
I staredat the door for a while after Tisera had left.
I was…
Gods! I was as much a mess as she was.
