‘None.’ I rolled my eyes at them. ‘He’d have asked me out if he’d wanted more than friendship, wouldn’t he?’ They didn’t need to answer that. It was written all over their faces. ‘It was nice to imagine it could be something more if only fleetingly.’ But as I said the words, I couldn’t help feeling that imagining it was the best part and that I still wasn’t convinced it was what I wanted.
‘You like him?’ Milly asked.
‘I’ve always liked him. As to whether I likelikehim, there’s something there but I’m not really sure what it is – friendship, gratitude or something else.’
‘The very fact that you’re feeling something suggests to me that you’re ready – or nearly ready – to let someone in again,’ Milly said, ‘even if that someone isn’t Christian. I know I am. I’ve been checking out some dating apps. The idea still fills me with horror but I was watching this really romantic film the other night and I thoughtthat’s what I want and I’m not going to get it unless I make it happenso I decided to do some research. I’m not saying I’ll be uploading my profile five minutes after I give Harry the divorce news but there’s no harm in being prepared.’
‘You’d be perfectly justified in putting a profile up thirty seconds after you tell him,’ Paulette said. ‘In fact, I don’t think anyone would blame you if you did it now.’
I nodded. ‘I agree with Paulette, but I get the guilt. Moving on isn’t easy.’
We finished our drinks and returned to Celestial Sounds. I played my two shortlisted pianos once more – same piece on each this time, which helped me make my final decision. I placed my order and selected a few books with contemporary music in them which I couldn’t wait to play, but which I’d save until I had my new piano. After I explained my house situation to Mervyn, he said it was no problem to store it for me if I hadn’t moved by the time it arrived.
On the drive home, I felt uplifted from our day out. Choosing the piano had been a special moment for me but spending the day with two friends who I’d let into my life had been monumental. I told them how much I appreciated how supportive and non-judgemental they’d both been.
‘I don’t think anyone has a right to judge anyone else until they’ve walked a hundred miles in their shoes and, even then, they can never truly know what it’s like for that person,’ Paulette said. ‘Unless the person they’re judging happens to be called Joanne. I can’t help judging her for her current behaviour.’
‘How’s Saffy holding up?’ Milly asked.
‘Surprisingly well. It helps that she’s feeling so settled in Willowdale. Joanne’s blaming me for keeping her here, of course, but I’m beyond caring. Saffy’s the one that matters here.’
‘She’s a special person,’ I said, smiling at Paulette. ‘It’s thanks to her journalling lesson that I’ve sold my house, bought a piano and shared my past with you two.’
‘And it’s thanks to her journalling lesson that I’ve decided to take control of my life too and get the long-overdue divorce,’ Milly said.
‘I made a photo album of the grandkids,’ Paulette said, ‘but you two have inspired me. I think it might be time to start a new one and answer those four questions but think about whatIwant. I’ve always been so focused on my family that I’ve never really thought about me.’
‘It’s been life-changing,’ I said. ‘You should definitely do it.’
‘I agree,’ Milly said.
‘I’ll do it. It’s fabulous seeing the pair of you so invigorated and excited about the future. I want a piece of that too. It’s time to take control of my life. Tomorrow starts today.’
‘Ooh, I like that,’ Milly said.
‘Me too,’ I agreed.
In fact, I liked that statement so much that, when I got home, I wrote those three words in chunky capitals across the front cover of my journal, accompanied by an exclamation mark.
TOMORROW STARTS TODAY!
It wasn’t just a statement – it was a mindset which echoed what Laughlin had said to me when we’d been talking about Venice and not putting off until tomorrow what could be done today. It was about spending each day making the decisions and choices which laid the foundations for what my heart desired. It was about truly committing to thoseSTART, STOPandSEEquestion responses in order to achieve theFEELones. It was how I needed to live my life from this moment on.
I stroked my fingers over the letters, excitement and anticipation flowing through me.
‘Tomorrow starts today,’ I whispered, and I believed so strongly now that it did. Great things lay ahead for me, for Milly and for Paulette once she’d searched her heart and answered those four questions. We all deserved it, but we were the only ones who could make it happen and I needed to make sure I didn’t lose sight of that.
33
Valentine’s Day arrived and could there be a more appropriate day for the next phase of Created With Love? Veronica, Laughlin, Milly, Paulette and I – or The Fabric Fiveas Paulette had christened us – met Ava to look inside the former Willowdale Gifts.
‘Apologies for not being able to meet you sooner,’ Ava said, placing the key in the lock. ‘Bear in mind it’s been empty for over three years so it’s cold, dusty and a bit on the whiffy side.’
She pushed open the door and we bundled inside and spread out. I’d expected to find some shelving and a shop counter but the place had been stripped bare.
‘We cleared it out last spring,’ Ava said, as though reading my mind. ‘We knew someone who could make use of the shop fittings. The upside is that you have a blank canvas for creating exactly the space you want. The downside is you’re going to need to buy some fittings, although there’s no need to break the bank. When I started out, I had a couple of pasting tables covered in cloths and built up to better displays when the shop started making money.’
She pointed out a damp patch by the front window where the rain had seeped in through a rotten window frame and advised us that she’d booked a builder for next week to sort out the damp and replace the window.
