The joke worked its magic and Milly started laughing. ‘Not at all. It would be a pleasure.’
‘So why the tears?’
‘I drove Coral back to university yesterday – my eighth start of term drop-off and they don’t get any easier. This one was especially hard because she’d spent most of the Christmas break in Lapland. It felt like I got her back and moments later she was gone again.’ She clicked her fingers to emphasise her point.
‘Goodbyes are never easy,’ I said, thinking about how tearful I’d been the day Betsy left. ‘Do you want a cuppa or would you rather head to the pub now? It’ll have just opened and tables fill quickly on a Sunday.’
‘Heading straight to the pub sounds like a plan. You’re sure I haven’t interrupted anything?’
‘A ready meal in front of the telly.’
‘Story of my life,’ she said, smiling at me.
After checking she didn’t have a fear of birds or allergy to feathers, I took Milly through to the lounge and introduced her to Trevor so they could chat while I smartened myself up. Shortly after, we set off on foot to The Fox and Rabbit.
‘I’m completely in love with Trevor,’ Milly said. ‘And how amazing is his name? There’s something about animals with human names that tickles me.’
An image of a Lakeland terrier called Will running past me on New Year’s Day sprang to mind and I pushed it aside. I needed to focus on Milly – not get lost in thoughts of Will.
‘Me too,’ I agreed. ‘Cliff chose it. We’d made a list of exotic-sounding parrot names but he looked at him and said, “He looks more like a Trevor to me.” I laughed, thinking he was taking the mickey but it did seem to suit him so Trevor it was. Do you have any pets?’
‘No. I’ve always wanted a dog but I can’t because Harry hates them.’
‘That’s a bit unfair when he’s hardly ever home.’
We walked in silence for a little way and I wondered if I might have put my foot in it by criticising her husband. I was about to apologise but Milly changed the subject, asking whether I liked living in Mallard Close.
‘Not really.’ I told her about Betsy moving out, the couple moving in next door and the incident with the flowers. ‘I’ve been feeling out of place there for a while and I’ve decided that I’m going to do something about it this year. I’ve been doing my journal and I followed Saffy’s questions and went with my gut like she said. Under places to see this year, I wrote downa new homeand it was one of those light bulb moments. So I’ve decided to move this year, assuming I can find somewhere I like.’
‘Still in the area?’ Milly asked.
‘Definitely. When we moved out of town, Cliff and I originally wanted to settle in Willowdale but it didn’t work out. I like Pippinthwaite but Willowdale has my heart.’
We chatted about what we liked about both villages until we reached the pub. Outside, I felt a twinge of apprehension. Would it feel uncomfortable being in The Fox and Rabbit without Cliff, picturing him leaning against the bar chatting to the landlord and giving a good-natured tut if somebody had beaten us to his favourite table? I swallowed down my nerves and followed Milly inside, but I barely recognised the place.
‘The bar’s moved!’ I exclaimed.
‘You haven’t been in recently?’ Milly asked. ‘It changed hands maybe four years back and the new owners did a major refurb. Nice, isn’t it?’
‘It’s lovely.’ Not that it hadn’t been nice before but, with such major changes, it was like being somewhere completely new and my concerns disappeared.
‘I’ve been working on my journal too,’ Milly said when we sat down at a table with our drinks. ‘It might not be an action point for this year but Iamgoing to get a dog at some point because right at the top of mywhat am I going to stop doing?list isstop being married to Harry. When he comes home in a couple of weeks, I’ll be telling him I want a divorce.’
‘Oh my gosh, Milly! That’s a big decision. Are you okay?’
‘Better than I’ve been for a long time. I’m tired, Yvonne. I’m tired of making excuses for why he’s never here, tired of being married to someone who I never see, tired of trying to make it work when it hasn’t for more years than I care to remember.’
That sounded awful. No wonder she wanted out. I felt proud of her for making that decision. It seemed journalling could do wonders for both of us.
‘How do you think he’ll react?’ I asked.
‘He’ll probably be relieved. He never wanted to get married or have a family.’
I raised my eyebrows, shocked. ‘He told you that?’
She sighed as she nodded. ‘He made it clear from the start and it was fine with me because I was feeling pretty cynical about the happy families thing at the time and…’ She shook her head. ‘I’d better start at the beginning, if that’s okay with you. I don’t want to bore you with my woes.’
My first reaction was to panic. This had the hallmark of something really personal and, if Milly opened up to me, then I’d surely need to open up to her. But wasn’t that exactly what I’d concluded I needed to do – that leap of faith in my friends in order to move forward with my life? My biggest fear had been rejection but if Milly wanted to share her story with me, that had to mean she felt comfortable around me which in turn meant she saw me as someone to confide in. A friend. And that last sentence about boring me showed a vulnerability too. Perhaps Milly also feared judgement. The nerves settled and I gave her a reassuring smile, feeling as though something had just shifted in our friendship.
