She showed us another one – a colourful page covered in cosmetics and pictures of hands indicating an intention to stop biting her fingernails – before closing the book. ‘I haven’t done the page for my thirdstopentry yet so I can’t show you it, but I hope you get the gist.’
She talked us through the various items she favoured for her journalling – washi tape, stickers and ribbon – and where she sourced them.
‘Some people use pictures cut out of magazines, photos, postcards, greetings cards. Some like to put lots of writing in their journals and others don’t use any words. The type of journal, the pens and the materials you use are all completely up to you. Who’s kept a diary before?’
I hadn’t, but the show of hands revealed that I was in the minority.
‘You’re basically doing a diary with added bling. Have fun with it. You don’t have to use my four questions. The pink sheets on the table list other New Year-style questions you could use but, if the New Year/new me thing doesn’t appeal, the yellow sheets have other questions and ideas on it. You could create a journal for your favourite recipes, your gardening plans, your grandchildren, your craft projects. No rules. Anything goes.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Any questions?’
After Saffy answered a few questions from the group, Veronica joined her at the front and led us in a round of applause.
‘Some of you will want to dive straight in,’ Veronica said, ‘but others will prefer that thinking time I mentioned. There’s notepads here if you want to scribble down your thoughts first and a pile of journals if you want to dive straight in.’
Saffy nodded. ‘Writing it down first is a great idea, but I’d say don’t spend too long thinking. Scribble down the first thing your gut tells you. You can always perfect the wording later.’
Feeling in awe of how wise and confident Saffy came across, especially for her age, I looked at the information on the two coloured sheets of paper. I was mostly drawn towards the same four questions Saffy was using so I grabbed a notepad and wrote each one down at the top of a fresh page, adding the numbers one to three down the sides.
What did I want to stop doing this year? I stared at the page for several minutes, thoughts swirling around my head, and even scribbled down a couple of ideas, inspired by Saffy’s entry to stop biting her nails:
What 3 things will you STOP doing this year?
Ironing everything
Displaying the tins label out
Tutting to myself, I scribbled out both entries.
Milly was on the table next to me. ‘Changed your mind?’ she asked.
‘I’ve gone with the questions Saffy suggested, starting with the things I want to stop but what I’ve written down is rubbish – things I’m really not bothered about stopping.’
‘I like Saffy’s questions too,’ Milly said, ‘but I need a lot more thinking time and I need quiet so I’m not going to push it this afternoon. I’m going to write the questions in my journal and decorate them. You could do the same if you’re struggling. Ooh! The cakes are out.’
Milly’s suggestion worked for me. Feeling the self-imposed pressure lifted, I collected a plain white spiralbound journal from the table before helping myself to a slice of coffee and walnut cake and a top-up of my cup of tea.
The rest of the afternoon was spent carefully writing out the questions and decorating each with washi tape and stickers. I could easily see how Saffy lost herself in journalling for hours. The attention to detail needed – deciding on the right items, colours and where to position them in an aesthetically pleasing way – reminded me a little of the approach to my patchwork quilts and it gave me a similar buzz. But preparing the questions was the easy part. Actually answering them truthfully and meaningfully was so much harder and also a little scary. If I was going to do this properly, I needed to go deep. Was I ready for that?
At home later that afternoon, I placed my journal on the dining table before releasing Trevor from his cage.
‘It was a good meeting,’ I told him. ‘I’ve got some homework to do and it involves a lot of soul searching. It could be painful, but I think it might help me get my act together.’
‘Pretty Vonnie!’ Trevor called, making my heart leap. The one and only other time I’d heard him call me that was the day I’d seen the advert for Cake & Craft Club – a sign from Cliff when I’d been struggling. I picked up the holiday photo and gazed at his smiling face.
‘I think doing this journal could help me, but only if I’m really honest with what I write in it. Can you send me the strength to do that?’
* * *
That night I tossed and turned, thinking about Saffy’s four questions but, as I pulled on my dressing gown the following morning, I felt incredibly calm. I knew exactly what I wanted this year and I had an overwhelming sense that writing it all down would be the first step in achieving it. And I wasn’t afraid.
I went downstairs, let Trevor out of his cage, sat down in the armchair beside him with my notepad and pen and the words flowed. When I reached the final point, I scanned through what I’d written and could honestly say that it was the truth, straight from my heart. I was fed up of the old Yvonne and ready to make room for the new, improved one.
The first section had been the easiest – I needed to stop doing all the things that dragged me down.
What 3 things will you STOP doing this year?
Feeling sorry for myself
Blaming the past and hiding myself away
