“You hate me that much?” Cassidy accused.
“I love you that much,” she corrected.“And it hurts me to breathe the same air as you if I can’t have you.”
“I made my mama a promise twenty-three years ago, Sloan,” Cassidy revealed. Sloan turned and leaned against the wall, giving him her full attention.“I’ve never broken that promise for anyone.”
“I’m not asking you to…”
“Only, you are, because if I don’t, I’m going to lose you,” Cassidy stated. He put his hand on the shoebox and spun it around on the table.“This is all I got left of her.”
Sloan stepped closer to him, and he rested his face against her stomach, closing his eyes. She sighed and placed her hands on top of his head. There was so much rest in these seconds when they allowed this connection to exist.
“Read the letters.”
Sloan lowered into the seat next to his, facing him as he tapped one finger on top of the shoebox.
“I’m giving you permission to read the letters,” he whispered.
She lost air. He was trusting her with something he treasured. A mother’s wordsto her son were sacred, and he was sharing those words with her. It was a great privilege to be trusted so much. A bit of her resolve melted.“I don’t think I should, Cassidy,” she answered.
“If you want the answers to your questions, they’re in these letters,” Cassidy revealed.“They’re dated and organized from the very first one. The first letter came a week after I was sentenced.”
“This feels intrusive. This wasn’t my idea. Ellie gave them to me. I would never…”
“I know,” he reassured. He stood.“It’lltake you some time to find the answers you’re searching for, but when you’re done, you know how to find me if you want to talk.”
Sloan nodded and reached for Cassidy’s hand.
“You didn’t come to the Christmas party.” His voice was somber.
“I came, Cass. I lost my patient that day, so I was late, but I showed up, and you were gone. You left with another woman,” Sloan scoffed, shaking her head.
The realization that she had shown up washed over him, loosening the Vise-Grip that had been on his chest ever since.
“I’m sorry about your patient,” Cassidy said.
“Me too.”Her chin quivered, and she lowered her face in embarrassment.“This is just a really hard time for me.”
They grew quiet, and Sloan looked down at her hands.“Nigga, you sorry about the wrong thing,” Sloan snapped.
Cassidy chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.“So, is this a you-don’t-want-a-nigga, but I-can’t-fuck-with-nobody-else typ’a thing?”
“I don’t know what it is, Cass, but did you sleep with Lola?” she asked.
“I thought about it.” At least he was truthful.“But I sent her home before shit went too far.”
Sloan’s relief was audible.
“I’m losing with you, either way, baby…”
Sloan’s heart fluttered at the sentiment, but she didn’t interrupt.
“If I force the issue with you, I scare you; if I pull back, you’re jealous…”
“Ain’tnobody jealous,” Sloan interrupted.“You’re just not supposed to move on from me that fast.”
“I don’t want to move on at all,” Cassidy admitted. He leaned forward and took ahold of her hands.“You’re shaking, Sloan.”
“My heart is racing,” she murmured. She squeezed his hands harder as if she was bracing herself for the drop of a steep roller coaster, and maybe she was. Maybe all these hard moments after they decided to have sex were the ascent that came with choosing to be intimate with another human being. People rushed so quickly into sex that they didn’t realize the portals inside themselves were opened during that act. She was completely exposed, and so was he, and all they seemed to be doing was hurting each other because they hadn’t stopped to think of the responsibility that came with having each other in that way. She gazed into his eyes and got lost. This hurt so good. Cassidy was the first person in a long time that made her feel weak. It was almost a relief to know that she was capable of something other than strength.
