“Don’t cry, baby,”Cassidy whispered.
“I just want to feel safe,” Sloan’s words were almost a whisper. They were a plea, revealing her desperation. Her sorrow was a reflection of all that she had lost when her mother had been taken from her. When he brought her clenched fists to his lips and kissed them, she panicked because she knew he was about to let go.
“Take some time with the letters. I respect your decision to say no, Sloan. But you’ve been in my life a long time. Even if weain’t supposed to be more, I don’t want to be less. I don’t want us to not exist to one another. You’ve always been family. I don’t want to lose more than I’ve already lost. My freedom, my time, my mother. Adding you to that list…”
Cassidy shook his head and flicked his nose as he stood.“How much more punishment do I need to take for it to be enough? For me to be free of it? You’re keeping me tied to it, Sloan. So, please, just read them.”
She nodded.“Can I read them with Ellie? I don’t want to be alone.”
Cassidy sighed.“You can process them however you need to if it helps you know me better.” And then he was gone.
“I think you should read these alone, Sloan,” Ellie said as she sat in the middle of Sloan’s bed, Indian-style the way they used to as teenagers.
“You don’t want to know what they say?” Sloanasked.
Ellie shook her head.“I don’t need to know what they say,” Ellie replied.“I know Cassidy, and I think the part that hurts him most is that he thought you knew him, too.”
Sloan closed her eyes and lifted her head to the sky.“God, help me with this,” she whispered.
Ellie reached out and hugged Sloan.“I’llbe here, just hanging out until you’re done. Just holler if you need me.” Ellie frowned in disgust suddenly.
“What?” Sloan asked in confusion.
“Wait, bitch, did you fuck my brother in this bed?” Ellie asked, truly repulsed as she stood.
“Girl!” Sloan laughed. She picked up one of the pillows and tossed it at Ellie.“Get out so I can read.”
Ellie winked at her, knowing she had lightened the mood.“I’llbe in the living room.”
“I did fuck him on that couch, though!” Sloan shouted after her, snickering.
“Gross!” Ellie shouted back.
Sloan pulled out the first letter, and as soon as she read the words, My Sweet Son, Cassidy, her chest locked. She could hear Mrs. Whitlock’s voice as clear as day.
My Sweet Son, Cassidy,
What did you do, son? My God, how I have failed you. It is a mother’s job to protect her children, and here I am, watching you be punished for protecting me. I will never be able to rest knowing my baby is locked up. That man was an animal who should have been locked up a long time ago. They punished the wrong one, Cassidy, and I am heartbroken that my ghosts have come back to haunt you. I am so sorry, baby. My heart is broken because the gift of relief was given to me in the form of your sacrifice. You should be free, my love, but instead, you set me free. The ultimate expression of love is sacrifice, and you have given me your life, son. I am not worthy of you. A jury of your peers can see your spirit,son. You’llnever be guilty in my eyes. God knows the demon you slayed. It wasn’t yours to defeat, though, son, and it is my burden to bear to know that I am the reason you’re in there. I love you. No matter the time or distance, my love will be with you. When you’re afraid, know that I am with you. My sweet boy.
Love Mama
It was only the first letter, and Sloan was already a mess. She went through letter after letter, and box of Kleenex after box of Kleenex as she pieced together the tragedy that had occurred. Before she knew it, the sun was rising.
The knock at the door caused her to gaze up as Ellie peeked her head inside.
“You haven’t slept all night?” Ellie asked.
Sloan shook her head and tried to speak, but nothing came out but emotion.“Why did this have to happen?” she choked out.“This is trauma, Ellie. How is he supposed to be okay after this?”
Ellie’s own eyes watered, and she answered,“Love will heal him, Sloan. He deserves all the love he can get, and if that’s not from you, the least you can do is not judge him. He cares a great deal about what you think.”
Sloan rolled her eyes to the heavens and then removed her reading glasses, pinching the bridge of her nose before putting them back on and grabbing the next letter.
“You can’t possibly read them all,” Ellie said, frowning.“That’s over a decade worth of letters!”
“I have to,” Sloan whispered.“Before I talk to Cassidy again, I need to.”
Ellie nodded.“I’m going to head home. If you need me, I’m only a phone call away.”
