Sierra Grande is looking more and more like my forever home.
27
Jessie
Sawyer playswith Colt for an hour almost every morning. He told Dakota the best way for Colt to learn ASL is through repetition.
Sawyer is a natural. Not just with teaching, but with Colt. I think he’s surprised himself with how easy he takes to it. When Colt picks up a new sign, an elated grins lights up Sawyer’s face, and it does something to my heart. Sawyer isn't just being kind to Colt for my sake. He has a genuinely kind soul, and a desire to help Colt understand the world.
We each bring into our relationship our past selves, and ASL is what Sawyer has carried with him into this next step of his life. And I honestly love this about him. He has a little superpower to go alongside all his other wonderful qualities.
To say things are going well between us would be an understatement. I had a hard time tearing myself from his arms early this morning and putting myself through the motions of getting ready for my day. I managed it, of course, but only just barely.
Just as I walked out the door, Dakota arrived with Colt and two bags of toys. She's learning ASL too, but it's more difficult for adults. Old dog, new tricks.
I’d kissed the top of Colt’s head, hugged Dakota, and watched as Sawyer reached for Colt’s hand. Colt’s small fingers wrapped around two of Sawyer’s, and my heart did a stutter step. There is something special between Sawyer and Colt, and I know I’m not the only one who sees it and feels it. When Sawyer first began playing with Colt, I’d worried Wes would be irritated, upset, or jealous. I think if I were in his shoes, deep down I’d want to be the hero who could help my son.
But Wes has surprised me by being completely the opposite. He’s grateful for Sawyer, and what he can teach Colt. For me, it’s the ultimate example of selfless love. Colt’s learning and increase in quality of life far exceeds Wes’s pride and ego.
As much as I’d have liked to stay and watch Sawyer play with Colt, and join in myself, duty called, so I kept on my way.
Wes and I spend the day cutting, baling, and stacking hay. We divide the cowboys into two groups. Half stay and help us, the other half ride out to check on the grazing cows. In the late afternoon, Wes informs me he'll be taking a few days off next week to go to Phoenix for Colt's surgery.
"You'll be on your own," he says, his tone almost a warning.
"I'm aware," I answer, looking around to make sure we're the only ones in the barn before taking off my long-sleeve button-up. I'm wearing a white tank underneath, but I don't want to be in such a small piece of clothing in front of the cowboys. Tiny pieces of hay rain down onto the ground as I shake out my shirt. "I'll be fine," I assure him.
"I know you will," he responds. I'm not sure if he means it, or if he thinks if he says it enough he'll convince himself it's true.
We end the day before sunset. I'm exhausted and filthy, and the shower calls my name. But first, I want to stop in and see Hester Prynne. I wasn't able to ride her today, so the least I can do is give her a treat. I make my way to the stable after a quick stop to grab an apple from the kitchen at the homestead.
The horses are all put up for the day. They greet me as I pull aside the door and walk in. Hester Prynne is near the back, so I walk that way, glancing over the horses I pass to make sure everything looks as it should. She nickers when she sees me, and I run a knuckle up her muzzle to say hello.
"This weekend, okay? We'll go for a long ride." She noses the apple in my pocket and I feed it to her. I stay with her a little while longer, then start for my cabin.
A shiver of excitement ripples down my spine, knowing Sawyer is there waiting for me.
28
Jessie
Sawyer makeslove to me in the morning. It's the slow, unhurried kind. Saturday morning love, with lingering touches and tips of noses pressed together. I'm on birth control now, so there's no longer a barrier between us. It's a closeness I relish. Love, even.
By now, I know I’m in love with him. Telling him how I feel is tricky. He has far more baggage than me. I come to the table with what now feels like a silly fling with a professor. Sawyer brings a past life, and a very real heartbreak.
He never talks about it, but I can only imagine how difficult it is to let himself move forward with me. For now, I’ll keep the way I feel to myself, and take what he can give. Currently, that means his body. It's enough for me. This form of communication is very effective.
"Come with me," he murmurs, lips grazing over mine with every thrust.
"So close," I whisper. Sawyer reaches between my legs, working as my thigh muscles coil and I shatter beneath him.
His body tenses. He kisses me, and we moan into each other's mouths, swallowing the pleasured cries.
Sawyer collapses on top of me, his weight almost too much but not so much that I can't bear it. I drag my fingernails across his back, lightly tickling him. "That was magnificent," I comment, looking up at the ceiling. His shoulders quake with his chuckle. "Can you believe we have to go on living normal life after that?"
He turns his head to the side so he can speak. "Travesty."
We lie quiet and spent for a few more minutes when I remind him I promised Hester Prynne a ride today. "Do you want to join?"
