"Not if I have to ride Priscilla again."
"Wes will have a conniption if you ride Ranger. But Warner won't care if you ride Titan. He's not as attached to his horse as Wes."
"Or you," Sawyer says, lifting himself to hover over me. He drops a kiss on my forehead and climbs off me. "Let's eat first."
"I don't know.I'm not sure he likes you." Titan makes an irritated noise and flicks his head. His black coat shines in the sunlight.
"He's fine," Sawyer insists, even as Titan takes a few steps to show his displeasure. "He's just mad because he wants the rider to be Warner. He'll get used to me."
We ride out past the homestead, and I wave at Gramps. He's sitting on the porch, hands folded in his lap. Farther and farther we go, past the cows who're still grazing, and the bulls who're doing what they can to inseminate them.
I steer clear of the pine and the cottonwoods and go lower in elevation, where the land flattens out and looks like a sea of yellow. We're still too high up for the saguaros to make an appearance, but they are out there, in the far-off distance.
We pause for a moment, and I sit up in the saddle, gazing out at it all. It almost takes my breath away, this love I feel. For my land, my heritage, what the men before me built. I look over at Sawyer sitting on Titan beside me.For Sawyer.He robs me of breath, too. And my heart. He’s stolen that, also.
He's wearing the cowboy hat I gave him, and he takes it off, pressing it to his chest and leaning over to kiss me.
I smile at Sawyer and start across the plain. Thoughts drift through my mind, mostly about how perfect this moment is. This day. How excited I am for whatever is going to happen next in my life.
It's one of those thoughts that should come with a warning on its heels.
What happens next is anything but perfect.
Three-quarters of a mile later, Hester Prynne takes her last step. It happens so suddenly, this faulty movement. A deep step, an unnatural lowering on one side, a horse's equivalent of a scream. She goes down, all of her limbs bending, but only one is broken. My knees pull up and I sink down with her, rolling to one side. Sawyer yells my name but I can hardly hear him. My own screaming and sobbing is too loud in my ears.
"No no no," I cry, trying to get close to my horse, my very first love, but Sawyer holds me back. Hester Prynne tries unsuccessfully to get up, and he's keeping me from getting in the way of her frantic attempts.
I look out, staring down at the land, and see what I missed before. Gopher holes. "Fuck," I scream, covering my eyes.
Sawyer pulls his phone from his back pocket and dials Dakota. "Can you please tell Wes we need a vet? Jessie's horse is hurt." He pauses. "Where are we, Jessie?"
"Southeast. A couple miles from where the Rioja River meets the Verde."
Sawyer repeats me. "Get out here as fast as you can. I—" He halts, looking at me. "I don't think it's good."
I shake my head. Not because he's wrong, but because he's right and I can't believe it.
"Jessie, even if they hurry, it'll still take a while. There's some shade a ways back where you can wait for them."
"Absolutely not," I say, my voice hard. I sink down in front of Hester Prynne. She has quieted now. I stroke her muzzle and gaze into her large eyes. There's so much soul in them. "I will not leave her."
Sawyer settles beside me. The sun beats down as the minutes tick by. Sawyer removes his shirt and tents it over me.
"Thank you," I whisper. My heart feels like it's been hollowed out with a dull knife.
"Tell me about her," Sawyer says. I feel his kiss on the side of my head. "Tell me about the first time you saw her."
"She was a foal. I watched her mother give birth. For a long time after, I thought we were all born in sacs." Tears sting my eyes. "I didn't ride her for a couple years, not until she was fully mature. While I waited for her to be strong enough to carry my weight, I played with her. Fed her. Walked around with her. She was like all children. Very playful." My face is coated with moisture as I begin to sob. I can't speak after that.
Wes drives up with the vet, Dr. Zahn, trailing behind him. He checks her out and tells me what I already know. Her leg is broken. He starts telling me the prognosis, but I stop him. I don't need to hear it. I've seen this before. I've just never felt it. Not like this.
"I know what you have to do. Just do it."
Wes speaks up. "Jessie, I think you should leave first. Nobody should have to see their horse euthanized."
I surprise myself by agreeing.
Wes gives his truck keys to Sawyer. "Take her home. I'll help Dr. Zahn make arrangements and ride Titan back."
