“I want you to be honest with yourself about how you feel,” Gramps says.
“Well.” I turn my gaze to the front yard. “I’m sad, I guess. My marriage is over and my kids are officially from a broken home.”
“Those are both shitty. What else?”
“I’m angry.”
“What else?”
“That’s it, Gramps. Really fucking angry.”
Gramps shakes his head. “I’ve been alive long enough to know that anger isn’t a primary emotion. It’s secondary. Something else has to come before it.”
I shake my head. I’m not sure what he means.
He continues. “When Janice died, I was mad too. It took me a little while to understand it went deeper than anger. I was afraid, Warner. Scared to live without her. It had been so long since I lived a life that didn’t include her that I didn’t know how to. I was angry that I was forced to live a life I feared living.”
My lips purse and I nod my head.
“Warner, you and I are the only two Haydens who know what it’s like to have a marriage end.”
“Yours had a noble ending, Gramps.”
“And what was yours?” he challenges. “Ignoble?”
“No,” I answer quickly, but think about it and change my answer. “Maybe.”
“Did you fight, Warner? For your marriage? Did you fight?”
My hands steeple under my chin, my elbows propped on my knees, as I think about his questions. There were years of arguments, of me pleading uselessly while I watched Anna slip away into herself and go to a place where she couldn’t be reached. At the time I hadn’t known the battle was really just beginning. And I knew nothing of how it would end.
“I fought hard, Gramps. But in the end…” I look at him and shrug. He watches me, and even though his skin shows his age, his eyes are bright. “I haven’t been honest about Anna. About where she went when she left.”
“I know.”
I stare at him. “How do you know?”
“I put in my time as the operator of this ranch. I know the attention and energy it takes. Now, I sit out here and watch you all live your lives.” He taps the armrest with two fingers. “I knew Anna when she was seventeen and you were taking her to prom. She may not have been a Hayden by blood Warner, but she was family. I took notice when she grew quiet. And when you started claiming she had headaches and couldn’t make the family dinners? I noticed that, too. I never bought your story about her needing to leave you and the kids so she could find herself.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” I’ve been passing off that story for over two years now.
“Figured you’d tell the truth when the time was right.”
I huff out a dry and disbelieving laugh. “Christ, old man. You are beyond words.”
“You lot are so busy running around that you often don’t see what’s in front of you.” He winks. “Lucky for you all, you have me. I have plenty of pearls of wisdom saved up for Wyatt and Jessie, whenever they get around to asking for them.”
I nod but don’t say anything. I’m still absorbing the bombshell that Gramps knew I was passing off a story about Anna this whole time.
Gramps coughs into his fisted hand. “Since we’re airing the secrets you tell your family and yourself, might as well mention Tenley.”
I look at him sharply. “What about Tenley?”
He shrugs. “She seems to bring out strong emotions in you.”
My gaze sweeps down, focusing on the scuffed toe of my boot. “She was the unfortunate recipient of my anger, if that’s what you mean. I had just come from seeing Anna with someone else.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not talking about that day, although in my opinion your mother should’ve whooped your ass for how you treated a guest in her home.”
