Tears slip quietly down my cheeks. Brady places his hands on either side of my head and tips my face up to look at him.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
My response is a single, bitter laugh.
Brady uses his thumbs to wipe my cheeks. “Never mind. I’m not sorry for your loss. Your mom was awful.”
At these words, I laugh a real laugh. Brady pulls me back in, crushing me against his chest.
“I’ve missed you, Lennon.” His words fall down around me, brushing my shoulders and trickling over me.
“Not as much as I’ve missed you,” I whisper.
So many nights I wanted Brady, and Finn too. Wanted the reassuring presence of my best friends, the only two people in my life who made me feel safe. Without them, I had to go it alone, and even though learning to depend on myself was a good thing, being alone is harder than it sounds. Meeting Laine was a godsend, but there’s something about Brady and Finn that cannot be replaced.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“I think so,” I murmur into his chest, then pull my head back and look up at him. “I’m not sure. I should be sad, right? But I’m not. It feels wrong not to be sad.”
“Under normal circumstances, you should be sad. But these circumstances?” He looks around my house as if the walls could reveal what really went on inside. “They were not normal.”
Anger and resentment rise, and automatically I push them away. I’ve been pushing them away for more than a decade, it would feel odd to stop now.
Brady holds me so tenderly, his hand cradling the back of my head, the other on the small of my back. We stay that way, the people we’ve become while apart slowly seeping into one another, slipping and sliding into the people we were back then. My younger self taps me from somewhere inside, reminding me that no matter how hard I’ve worked to rid myself of her experiences, they are still very much present.
From where we stand in the kitchen, I have a direct line of sight through the hallway and to the front door. The handle turns, the door swings open, and Finn steps in. Our eyes meet, his gaze still fiery and alive, as if he might tease or challenge me at any second. If Brady is the calm, then Finn is the chaos.
Brady’s head swivels at the sound of the door closing. Finn’s eyes leave mine and lift. For a split second, a blip in time so quick it may not have been there at all, tension springs up. Just as quickly, it dissipates. I let go of Brady, and as I step away, I feel the slight tug of my T-shirt, like he tightened his grip on the small of my back but was too late.
“Finn,” I say, a smile taking over my face. He comes to me, and I go to him, meeting in the hallway where framed enlarged scriptures decorate the walls. Right there in front of John 3:16, Finn wraps his arms around me and lifts me off my feet, spinning me around. I laugh and tuck my face into his neck. When he sets me down, I take a step away and blink twice, trying to orient myself.
Finn points toward the kitchen, and I think he’s pointing at Brady until he says, “Did you make that mess in there?”
I shrug, a smile pulling at the corner of my mouth. “Guilty.”
Brady walks up, and Finn extends a hand. They shake and smile, coming in for that ubiquitous guy hug and clapping each other on the backs.
“You been hitting the gym, Brady?” Finn smacks Brady one more time.
Brady steps back and shrugs. “Not as much as I’d like. Work keeps me busy.”
“Living that lawyer life?”
“Something like that,” Brady says, his tone expressing his disenchantment.
“Not what you’d thought it would be?” Finn asks.
Brady shakes his head, palming the back of his neck. “Is anything what we thought it would be when we were young?”
I snort. “Hardly. Why are you in Arizona?” My question is directed at Finn. “Shouldn’t you be in Silicon Valley giving Elon Musk a run for his money?”
He rakes a hand across his jaw. “I’m in between things right now.”
I frown at his evasiveness. “So what were you doing back in Arizona? Andwhereexactly were you doing it?” I press.
“I was up north just outside a little town. I’m building a cabin.”
I blink. “You’re building a cabin?”
