We step out onto the ice, and after a few minutes, I realize it's not that bad. There're other things I'd rather be doing, but this isn't the worst thing in the world. We stay on the outside of the crowd so that I can grab the wall when I feel unsteady. Natalie seems content to skate slowly beside me. In the center of the crowd are the real ice skaters. They twirl and do small jumps. Though there are no tracks in the ice, everyone seems to skate inside an invisible lane. We go around another time, and this is when it happens. I fall on my ass. And though she told me she would, Natalie does not fall with me.
The cold immediately seeps through my jeans. Natalie covers her mouth with one hand and reaches down to help me with the other. Getting up from the ice might be even harder than staying upright on it. Once I can stand, I make my way to the outer edge of the rink and lean on it. Natalie glides over, dragging her skate sideways to slow her advance.
“Why don't you go around a few times without me? Let me see your skills."
She grins, her cheeks flushed from the cold. “Okay,” she says, pushing off and finding her place in the crowd of people passing by. I watch her go around, entranced by her easy grace. It reminds me of being in high school and college and watching her on the dance team. I wonder if she ever misses it. Judging by the look on her face, I think the answer is yes. When she passes me a third time, I point to the benches on the outside of the rink.
Without Natalie, getting there is much more difficult. To avoid falling, I cling to the wall and slowly make my way to the exit. I don't feel so bad about my less than stellar exit; there are at least seven more males doing the exact same thing. I meet eyes with one of them and we laugh at ourselves. I sit back down and wait for Natalie. My pocket buzzes and I reach for my phone.
Allison?
I open my phone and read her message.I need to talk to you.
Closing my phone, I slip it back into my pocket. Allison is a nice person, and I wish her nothing but the best, but we do not need to talk.
Natalie comes off the ice, beaming. The flush on her cheeks is rosier than before.
“That was fun.” She comes to sit beside me.
“I’m glad you liked it. I'm ready for some spiced wine. How about you?”
Natalie nods. “Yes, please. I need to thaw out.”
This gives me an idea. “How does a hot shower sound?”
Natalie turns to look at me. Her eyes are hooded, hungry. “That sounds delightful.” Her face falls. “But we don't have anywhere to go. Savannah will be back soon, and we definitely can’t go to your place.”
I think for a moment, then pull my phone from my pocket. There is a second message from Allison, but I ignore it. Instead, I text Rob and Jasper and ask them to meet me for a beer. Rob says he’s running an errand but can be there in thirty minutes. Jasper says he’ll head out and be there in fifteen.
“Change back into your shoes,” I instruct, changing out of my ice skates with warp speed. Natalie listens, talking as she goes. “What's going on?”
Slipping my feet in my shoes, I stand and offer Natalie a hand. “I have no idea what my apartment looks like right now. It's probably disgusting. But, it's available.”
Natalie jams her feet into her boots and stands up. We dump our ice skates on the return counter and hurry through the park. We dodge people, laughing, and on the way to my apartment we pass the bar I have no intention of going into.
It isn’t until later that night, long after Rob and Jasper have given me shit for not showing up, that I remember Allison’s second text.
I grab my phone, and the first thing I see is Natalie's face. The picture of her that I used for her dating profile is now my wallpaper. I'm officially one of those guys. My girlfriend is my phone's wallpaper.
We haven't talked about it yet, but we're unofficially boyfriend and girlfriend. She knows it, I know it, we just haven't said it out loud yet.
I navigate to my text and tap on Allison's name. Our conversation appears, and I read her last message.I know we weren't serious, but please don't ignore me.
I don't want to deal with this right now. I want to fall asleep reliving my day with Natalie.
So that's what I do. It's so much easier to turn away from a problem than to face it.
* * *
Three days later,I find there is no running from my problem. My problem has come to find me. I see her as soon as I walk out of school. She is across the street leaning on a brick wall. Snow has just started to fall, but it's not the nice kind. It's wet and mushy. Obviously I can't avoid Allison now, so I cross the street and walk up to her, coming to a stop a couple feet away.
Allison stands up straight so she's no longer leaning on the wall. She glances at the school behind me, then her eyes meet mine. Her fingers tap out a rhythm on her arm, and she bites the side of her lower lip.
“Allison?” I say her name, hoping it will prompt her to speak.
“I’m sorry that I came to your work. I could've gone to your apartment, but didn't want to deal with your roommates. You weren't answering my texts, and I didn't know what else to do.”
Even though she's wearing a big coat, Allison shivers. I realize she's not wearing a hat, so I pull mine off my head and offer it to her. She declines with a shake of her head.
