“Oh, I’ll be up there, somewhere in the mountains, but I won’t be seeking her out. Maybe I’ll hunt with someone else from here on outthough.”
“You’re going to keep hunting? Dad, that’s ridiculous. Look at yourself.” I gesture from his head to histoes.
“Of course I’m going to keep hunting. It was one bad fall. Do you think I should never go out there again?” He makes a disbelieving sound. “Can’t let falling down keep you from getting up.” He levels me with another pointedlook.
“I’m getting the feeling you’re not just talking abouthunting.”
“You need to let him in. If he’s not the one for you, then fine. But I think he is. And I think you know it too.” His words are slow,measured.
“When did you start thinking so much about this?” And when did he get sowise?
“I had a lot of time on my hands in the pastday.”
“Oh, Dad. I can’t stand thinking about what you’ve gone through.” I push down the great big heave my chest wants to make. At this point, I’m certain that would embarrass both of us. Isn’t it enough to know the feeling is there? Do we really have to show the emotion to feelit?
“Everything’s all right now, Aubs.” His fingers brush the hand I’ve laid on hisbed.
“Excuse me?” A women’s voice speaks up behind me. My dad peers beyond me, smiling, and I follow hisgaze.
“Hi, I’m Cheryl.” A middle-age woman in scrubs approaches me, her hand out. “I’ve been with your dad since he came in last night.” I shake her hand and introduce myself. Cheryl has shoulder-length dirty blonde hair and a round, invitingface.
She steps around me, smiling warmly at my dad. “My shift will be ending soon. Is there anything you need rightnow?”
“No, we’re good,” Isay.
At the same time my dad says, “Actually, I’m ready for anap.”
“Dad, I’m sorry,” Quickly I step back from his bed. “I didn’tknow.”
“Knock it off, Aubs. You’re never an imposition.” He raises his arms, and Nurse Cheryl frowns. How much pain does this one action cause him? According to him, he doesn’t feel much, but I’m not inclined to believe he feelsnothing.
Gently I fold myself into his waiting arms, careful not to squeeze. I only linger a few seconds. Pulling myself upright, I say “Let me know what you need. I can run home and grab stuff foryou.”
“Maybe some clothes.” He scratches his jaw. Cheryl is checking monitors and bags hanging on the other side of his bed. “I don’t think I can wear what I came here in.” He glances at Cheryl, and shesmirks.
“Not unless you can sew.” They laugh together at herjoke.
“I’ll bring you clothes. Shorts. For your cast.” I grab my purse from where I left it on the ground. “Anythingelse?”
He shakes his head no. “Cheryl’s taking good care ofme.”
“OK. I’ll see you soon.” I go to leave, but he calls my name and I turn back. His eyes are on me, and they look full, with emotion or words or maybe some combination. They both live inside him, but they don’t often make any sort of grandappearance.
“You’re a person worth loving, Aubrey. I’ve always knownthat.”
I’m so overcome I can hardly manage a nod. His words deserve my full acknowledgment, but I’ve never been good at receivingcompliments.
“I love you too, Dad,” I say on my way out the door. The air I’m leaving on feels immensely different than the frightened, sad air I walked inon.
Igrabbed morethan clothes for my dad. I took everything he would like to have but wouldn’t think to ask for. And I added cologne to the bag. Nurse Cheryl iscute.
I took something from my old room, too, and traded it for the evening gown I’ve been wearing for too long. I don’t needjust in caseclothesanymore.
I’m nearly to the hospital when I stop for coffee. After last night, I need the strongest blend theyhave.
That’s exactly what I order, size large. I add the cream myself at their little station in the corner. Lips to the brim of the cup, I’m blowing across the top of the coffee when someone steps in front ofme.
I look up. Shock rolls throughme.
