“Call him again.”
Kat’s brows furrow. “What are you talking about now?”
“Call Roland and reassure him again,” I say, pulling her phone out before tossing it onto the couch cushion beside her. “Tell him you’re fine. I don’t care how many times it takes, just call him.”
She looks at me skeptically, as expected, glancing between me and the phone. “And you’re suddenly alright with this?”
“I am,” I tell her, letting some of that frustration come out sounding a touch desperate instead. “If you want space, then fine. If you want to keep pushing me away, then go for it. I won’t stop you. But at least let the guy know you’re still alive. He’s been blowing your phone up for days.”
That caution remains in her expression. She thinks I’m hiding something. “And you’re not going to send him any cryptic messages after the fact, or use my face to unlock it again?”
“No,” I return, feeling as though those reminders hit me in the gut.
I had really let my fascination with her steer my actions and throw me completely off course. My need for her has been all-consuming, but now, I need to do better.
A moment of silence lingers between us before she finally gives in and nods, accepting my words.
She grabs the phone and gets up, heading closer to the kitchen when she taps on the screen like she’s been reunited with the thing at long last and starts calling Roland. She doesn’t put it on speaker, of course, but I can still hear his voice on the other end from across the space.
He sounds just as concerned as before, if not more, knowing she’s with me.
Worst of all, he says her name with such utter relief that it grates at my resolve, but I don’t let it push me over. Not when I’ve reached such a critical point with Kat, and I can’t risk her hating me any more than she already does.
I haven’t given her many reasons to trust me, but that’s something I want and need to change. She needs to see that I’m capable of it.
Kat talks calmly to Roland, and I notice the way she chooses her words carefully so as not to reveal too much. Just enough to placate him.
All the while, I want to burst into flame with jealousy.
I need to be better, and I know I can be. And the first step is at home with Kat.
When the call finishes, she drops the phone onto the cushion in front of me again with a sigh, already prepared for meto take it away again. She looks vaguely annoyed by the idea, but seems to accept it anyway.
I’m fully prepared to tell her she could keep it on hand again, but seeing that slight submission does something to me instead.
Without any hurry to my movements, I reach for the cell phone and absently move it in my grasp, finding myself more lost in thought than usual.
Then, I meet her gaze, allowing some vulnerability to enter my words. “Do you still think it was a mistake?”
As much as I want her to, Kat doesn’t answer.
Instead, she leaves the room, heading upstairs to likely get some alone time in the spare before she’s forced to spend the night with me.
The silence left in her wake cuts deeper than anything else.
Kat is right here with me under this roof, and I’m starved for her. Yet, she feels so far away.
I can’t touch her. I can’t show her just how deep I’m in this for her, regardless of how badly I want to.
With every passing hour, I feel like I’m about to collapse. That if I don’t find a way to mend things with Kat, I’ll only continue to lose more. I’ll lose her.
And that’s one thing I don’t think I can come back from.
Chapter 18 - Katya
It was only a matter of time before I went stir-crazy. Honestly, I’m surprised I didn’t reach this point sooner.
Another day goes by, and I feel like I could explode at any moment.
