“I think you need to report Evan.”
“If I did, what would happen to you?” I asked. Maxx frowned, looking confused.
“You beat the crap out of him, Maxx. You don’t think he’d jump at the chance to take you down with him?” I continued.
“That’s ridiculous, Aubrey!” Maxx fumed.
I held my hand up, silencing him. “It is what it is, Maxx. You know I’m right.”
I hated remaining silent about what Evan had done. It felt wrong, and in a way like I was letting him win.
I thought about April and knew without a doubt that what I had experienced at his hand was most likely mild in comparison to what she had been through.
An abusive bully like that needed to be dealt with. But I knew sacrificing Maxx to do it wasn’t an option I was okay with.
Maxx looked at me like I had lost my mind. “Do you think I honestly give a rat’s ass about that? I can handle what happens to me. But you sure as hell can’t let him get away with what he did to you. It’s not right!” he said emphatically, as though reading my mind.
I shook my head, knowing he wouldn’t be able to change my mind. “I don’t think he’ll mess with me again. Not after you nearly put his head through the concrete,” I said with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood. If that was at all possible.
Maxx let out an exasperated breath. “You have to stop trying to save me, Aubrey,” he said, his words hanging in the air with the weight of uncomfortable truth.
“That’s not fair, Maxx, and more than a little messed up for you to say!” I bit out, feeling tears that had refused to fall earlier prick my eyes, even as I fought against them. I was exhausted. I was exposed. I was going down fast.
Maxx slid across the bed until only inches separated us. He slowly reached for my hands, enfolding them between his.
“No, that wasn’t fair. But it’s the truth. You can’t help me at the expense of yourself. You have to come first... not just this time, but all the time. I love you too much to have you throw away your safety to protect me. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” He was impassioned and emphatic. He was trying to be selfless. I gotthat.
Then I got angry.
I reared back and stumbled to my feet, almost falling over in my need to get away from him and his touch.
“Don’t you dare,” I warned, holding my hands out as if that would stop him.
Maxx looked bewildered and extremely hurt by my reaction. He didn’t understand that I resented his sweet sentiments and his efforts to be a guy who would put me first.
But where the hell was this guy when I was throwing my life away in order to jump off the cliff with him?
Where was this sensitive person when I was watching him fight to breathe on a disgusting bathroom floor, a used hypodermic needle at my feet?
And where was this caring, compassionate man when he had used every element of emotional manipulation in his arsenal to get me to stay with him, no matter the cost to me?
“What did I say?” he asked, getting to his feet but not walking toward me. I was having a hard time breathing. I was enraged.
“You sit there being all emotive and...perfect.Saying all the right things,” I hissed, barely able to look at him. “You can’t do this to me! I can’t sit on my bed with you after what just happened and have you tell me that I need toprotect myself,” I all but shouted. “I’m in this fucking messbecauseofyou! I’m still trying to claw my way to the surface after you decimated myentire life!”
We both recoiled at my words. But somehow, these things I had thought but never really said needed to be said. I had shared some of this at the rehab center when I had visited him, but obviously there was still more that I needed to say.
Maxx opened his mouth but I shook my head, silencing him.
“Don’t. Just don’t. You drew me in, you made me love you, and I was willing to do anything for you. But that wasn’t enough, was it? I threw away my career to watch you freak out every time you couldn’t find your pills fast enough! I watched youdie,Maxx!” I screamed, and Maxx flinched.
“Youdied! And I had to give you CPR! Do you even begin to understand what that was like? To put my mouth to yours and breathe for you, watching your chest rise and fall and then wait for you to do it on your own? And when you didn’t, putting my fingers to your neck to try and find a pulse that wasn’t there? I thought you were gone! Just like Jayme. Just. Like. Jayme!” I shrieked, gripping my hair at my scalp and pulling hard.
Welcome to Nervous Breakdown Land. Ticket, please.
Maxx reached for me, his palms outward, trying to placate me. “Aubrey, please, just calm down so we can talk about this,” he begged, tears coursing down his cheeks as he watched me slowly fall apart.
“Youknewwhat I had been through with Jayme! Youknew!” I agonized, my voice softening as I crumpled down onto the bed again. Maxx stayed where he was, watching me with hesitation, not sure if he should comfort me or leave me alone.
