“I was a selfish bastard, I know that! I didn’t care about how you were feeling. All I cared about was getting what I wanted. What Ineeded,” Maxx stated without any hint of denial. His plain and unobstructed truth cut through the red haze of my anger.
“Youwerea selfish bastard, Maxx. Which is why I walked away. I couldn’t lose you. Not to drugs. Not to an addiction I had no control over. I was going to start my life over. But here you are. In my room. You saved the day like a fucking superhero. And I should want you to leave. I should open the door and kick your ass out. But Ican’t. Because my heartachesfor you, Maxx!” I pulled at the shirt over my chest as though I could pull the beating organ from my flesh and hand it to him.
“I’m so sorry, Aubrey! God, I’m so fucking sorry!” Maxx sobbed, his face soaked with tears, his eyes bright with pain.
“You keep saying the same old shit, Maxx! You’resorry.You’redifferent.You’vechanged.But it comes down to the fact that I don’ttrustyou. How can I?” I spat out.
“I don’t know.” Maxx hung his head.
“I want you to leave,” I said.
“If that’s what you want,” Maxx replied, heading to my door. He looked shattered.
He had looked like that before. When he had been coming down from the drugs. When he had been at the edge of the abyss and ready to topple over.
I hated that look.
But this time it wasn’t because of the drugs.
I had put that look on his face. The desolation in his heart.
I had worked so hard to figure out what I needed to do if I was ever faced with this moment again.
I needed to tell him to leave. To turn my back and walk away. Again.
I was strong. I was in control.
But I loved him.
And watching him leave was tearing me apart.
When it came down to it, I was tired of hurting. Tired of fighting. Tired of everything.
Holding on to him had always been hard. But losing him was worse.
“Wait,” I called out, feeling a definitive snap in the air between us. Maxx looked confused. Wary. But hopeful.
“I want you to leave. I do. I know it’s what I should say. But it’s a lie.” Maxx took one small, tentative step toward me. Our eyes met and I saw my past. My present. My future.
“I want you to leave, Maxx, but Ineedyou to stay.Please.” My lips trembled. “I’m such an idiot. I want the one thing that can hurt me the most. But I can’t help it. You’re in my blood, Maxx. You’re everywhere. In everything. I can’t escape you. I don’twantto escape you. You’ve destroyed me. But I want you to put me back together. Can you do that? Can you make everything right again?” I asked, and I knew I was asking too much. That I shouldn’t put the pressure of this on his unstable shoulders. But I was also tired of carrying the weight alone.
It was time that he started sharing the burden of our twisted love.
Maxx collapsed beside me on the bed, his hands coming up to frame my face. “I will if you let me,” he promised, running his thumbs along the curve of my lips.
“I will do everything I can to make it up to you. I swear it, Aubrey,” he whispered, and then his mouth was on mine and there was no holding back anymore. My hands came around to grip the back of his shirt as we devoured each other in a frenzy of pent-up emotion and desire.
I parted my lips beneath his and moaned deep and low in the back of my throat. Maxx pushed me backward and he lay over me, his hands coming to the front of my shirt and pulling anxiously at the buttons.
He was wild. I was ravenous. We were desperate and lost and could only be found in each other.
I pulled his shirt up and over his head and threw it onto the floor, then fumbled at his belt buckle. We were clumsy, our fingers shaky, our kisses intense.
Maxx pulled back, bracing himself on his arms above me as he looked down at my fevered face. His eyes burned into mine, and I felt myself shudder at the heat I saw there. “I’ve dreamed every day of this moment. When I could touch you like this.” He hastily unzipped my jeans and then dipped his hand inside, his fingers teasing my wet opening. I groaned and arched my back.
“When I could taste you on my tongue,” he murmured, bowing his head to take my throbbing nipple into his mouth. He sucked hard and teased the sensitive bud with his teeth. I was a writhing mess beneath him, my hands touching everywhere, trying to get closer.
“Oh my God, Maxx!” I breathed in an agonized rush. He pushed aside the flimsy material of my panties and plunged his fingers deep inside my body. I stretched around the wanted intrusion.
