The voice taunted me just as it always had.
“No. I can’t,” I responded emphatically, proud of myself for turning down the temptation.
Gash opened the bag and pulled out a handful of pills. They were a variety of prescription narcotics, my drug of choice. He grabbed an envelope and dumped them inside, carefully licking the seam and closing it.
“You know as well as I do how much money you can make. It doesn’t have to be a regular thing, X. Just once or twice. You know, to pay off your bills. Until you can find a better job.” Gash pushed the envelope containing the pills across the desk.
“Just think about it. But not too long. I need to unload this shipmentthisweekend. This is some grade-A shit from California. It’ll bring top dollar, and I’d like my best people getting it out there. And X, there’s no one better than you, and we both know it.”
His flattery didn’t matter.
All I could see was the envelope containing those tiny, soul-destroying pills.
“Take ’em. Consider it your signing bonus.” Gash laughed, a horrible sound.
“I’m not saying I’ll do it,” I hedged, hearing the weakness in my ears.
“We both know that’s a fucking lie.” Gash laughed again, obviously finding my hesitance really funny.
My hand darted out and grabbed the envelope, folding it in half and shoving it into my pocket.
I got to my feet and hurried to the door.
Going there had been a really bad idea.
But I was a man out of choices. And the worst ones were starting to seem like the best ones.
“Let Marco know by Thursday. But you can keep the pills, Maxx. You look like you need them,” Gash called out as I pulled open the door.
I felt as though I had made a deal with the devil and there was no going back.
Not now.
Not ever.
chapter
thirty-one
aubrey
ilove you,I texted to Maxx as I walked across campus toward the psychology building.
I love you more,he texted back only a minute later, making me smile.
Since coming back from North Carolina more than a week ago, I hadn’t been able to get over the nagging worry that something was different between us. The twinge of anxiety brought back nasty emotions I was trying hard to overcome.
Distrust being the most lethal.
The likelihood of relapse can be as high as 60 percent.Staying sober is a lifetime battle. What makes you think anything will be different?
That horrible voice taunted me with statistics and facts, reminding me of the likelihood that Maxx was indeed headed back down a dark path.
We had been back together for such a short time. I hated how quickly our respite had faded.
Suspicion was poisonous. It tainted everything.
I had experienced it once before, and I had sworn when I decided to try with Maxx again that it was a fixation I wasn’t willing to reacquaint myself with.
