But I didn’t want Ellie to be sent away. I didn’t like thinking about her in jail. I wondered if she was feeling bad too?
I wanted to see Ellie.
But I never did.
And then we moved.
But I always thought about her.
And after a while it stopped hurting when I remembered.
-Ellie-
And the months kept passing…
Days, weeks, months marched along, oblivious to my desperate desire to stop them.
I felt like I was living my life on an endless loop.
Hope, happiness,possibility…it was all gone.
Vanished like a popped bubble. Lost when Flynn yelled at me to leave him alone.
But even the numbness only lasted so long and then that too disappeared and I was left with something so much worse.
Regret.
Winter faded into spring and the world kept moving on. So why was I stuck in the past?
I slipped the tiny sand castle Flynn had given me into my pocket as I got ready that morning. I never left the house without it. I tried so hard to pretend that losing him hadn’t ruined me…but that one simple act called me a liar.
There was no coming back from loving Flynn Hendrick.
Ever.
I was supposed to be attending a study group in a few hours. I was trying to prep for my end of the semester essay.
As the rest of my life fell back into stasis, school continued to be my only escape. For the longest time after Flynn and I parted ways and Dania had moved in, I thought I had lost my enthusiasm for it.
But I had been wrong. Some things had changed within me that couldn’t be undone.
My illogical (and impossible) dream of becoming somethingbetterwas one of them.
My love for Flynn was the other.
Neither had abandoned me even when, in the depths of my self-destruction, I had hoped they would.
The post office was empty when I walked in. I headed to my tiny box back in the farthest corner. I opened it and pulled out the pile of magazines and useless junk mail. This would teach me to check it with a lot more regularity.
I stood there, sorting through everything. Most of it ended up in the trash. There were a few items for Dania that I tucked into my bag.
I picked up the last piece of mail and frowned at the return address.
It was from the College of Baltimore.
My stomach flipped over as I held it. I remember when I had, on a whim, applied to a few schools. I had been high on the changes in my life and thoughtwhy not?I had Flynn in my corner telling me to do it. I had my professor saying I had a gift. Hope had been new and exciting.
But that had been before real life stuff stomped all over my smiley, happy hope with huge shit kickers.
