Yet there was a niggling in the back of my mind that resisted. That screamedno!
I thought of Bastian. His sad eyes. His soft words. His hope.
The amazing feel of his lips. The totalrightnessof it.
Was he wrong to think the world beautiful?
Was Pastor wrong to think it evil?
Could my life be my own as Bastian said it could be?
Pastor watched me impatiently. His eyes gleaming. My stomach rolling.
“Sara.” My name sounded like a curse on his lips. Something dirty.
I stood up and took his hand. He led me to a small door. Opening it, I broke out into a cold sweat. My mouth went dry as my body had a visceral reaction to the inky blackness beyond.
I trembled. My belly was finally full. The terror of The Refuge was starting to fade.
But now I felt a different kind of fear.
Even as he looked at me with his kind eyes.
“Sara, lie with me. Let me heal you,” he said softly.
I looked for my mom. But as usual, she was nowhere.
And Pastor was everywhere.
He lit a candle. One solitary flame. “Let me see what God has made,” he murmured.
I hesitated. I knew what he wanted. What I had always done before.
My mind rebelled.
How did this save my soul?
Pastor Carter’s face hardened. “Sara, let me see what God has made.”
Slowly, unsteadily, I peeled off my clothes. I felt as though I were standing in quicksand. Sinking. No escape. I stood before him naked and open. Legs spread. Hands by my side so he could see all of me.
I bowed my head.
At least I wasn’t being taken to The Refuge. Anything was better than that.
Anything?
There were many other things to fear in the dark.
“Come here,” he instructed gently.
He laid me down on the pile of blankets he kept in the center of the room. They smelled stale. As if they hadn’t been cleaned in a long time. I briefly wondered who else had laid on them. How many?
I fought to find the numbness that always aided me. He stretched out beside me, pulling me flush against him. My back pressed to his front. He remained fully clothed.
At the first touch of his hands the numbness came. It took me far away. To the hills. To the river.
To the waterfall with Bastian.
