And like earlier when I made the decision to go to the waterfall, it all seemed so simple in my mind. Being with Bastian felt right.
Even when everything I had ever been told said it was wrong.
He kissed the tip of my nose. His lips trailed along the curve of my cheek to the sensitive spot beneath my ear. “I imagine you away from here. I wonder what kind of life you’d have. I think of all the different Saras that could be. The happy Sara. The confident Sara. The Sara who would help people. The Sara who goes to the grocery store and spends Sundays in the park.” He pulled back, staring into my eyes. I was trying not to cry. He had no idea how hard it was for me to hear him say these things. To imagine a girl I could never be. No matter how much, I realized, I wished I couldbeher.
“And I would want to know each and every one of them.”
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move.
Bastian reached into my chest and held my heart in his hand.
He kissed my cheek, just as I had kissed his before. “I know with total certainty, that in every one of those lives, no matter what, I’d find you. I can’t live in any type of world that doesn’t have you in it.” His eyes were bright with unshed tears. His voice cracked and split me open.
My eyes fluttered closed. I tilted my head up.
And when he kissed me it was everything all at once.
It was joy and passion. It was fear and devastation.
It was the pulling apart of my entire existence.
It mended parts of me I hadn’t realized were broken.
My lips parted. I felt his tongue. I shuddered, tasting him. Wanting him more than I ever wanted anything in my entire life.
I knew that I would sacrifice anything for this feeling. For this moment of absolute, wild abandon. For this moment of total control.
I would give up my fate.
I would give up my path.
I would give up faith.
For him. For this.
He was terrifying.
I broke away. My lips throbbed. My body trembled. I wanted to pull him close. So close.
Ineededto push away.
“Sara,” he said my name with a strangled sob. “Sara.” A prayer. A benediction. As if I werehispath.Hisjourney.
His reason.
“Believe inme,” he whispered, his eyes hopeful yet wary. “Have faith inthis.”
He made it sound so easy. For a few brief, glorious moments it was.
With him I would worship at a different kind of altar. One rooted in this world, with this man. Our love could become my religion. His words my homily.
His soul my home.
Falling for him was soft and gentle. And my heart welcomed the inevitable impact.
Yet, what would be left of me when it was all over?
What would I be when desire gave way to reality?
