He led me to the small door at the far end of the room.
“Show me what God has made,” he whispered. A strangled command I was meant to obey. “I am God’s servant. I am his messenger. His will is mine. Mine is his. Trust in me, for what we do is holy.”
My cheeks were wet with tears.
“You will lead the way for all of us, Sara.” He spoke it as a promise as he closed the door behind me. Enveloping me in a new kind of darkness.
I would lead the way.
The end was the beginning…
“I’m not sure,” I told her truthfully. I squeezed her hand. “But all our paths are just as important.”
Anne nodded. Her smile was less bright though. I put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “I think Evelyn made those oat cookies you like so much.” I was trying to distract her. I didn’t want her to feel bad.
The truth was Anne’s fate was very different than mine.
Pastor Carter had said so.
“Will Anne be Awakened too?” I had asked that first time. The most important time.
Pastor Carter’s smile was gentle. The kind of smile you give when you let someone down.
“I know you love Anne. We all do. She’s a wonderful child of God. But her path is different. She’s not you, Sara,” he had said.
“But she’s special too—” I had started to say but Pastor Carter held up his hand, silencing me instantly.
“You’re special, Sara. Very special. Especially to God. And especially to me.” He had hugged me again and it felt good and warm and right.
I never mentioned Anne’s path again.
I focused on me. And preparing my soul.
Because Pastor Carter told me that’s what I was meant to do. And I knew that God spoke with Pastor’s tongue. We all believed this.
“It’s my turn to clean up after our meal.” Anne made a face. “Why do I always get the jobs no one wants?” She laughed but it sounded false. “I’m starting to feel like I have no real purpose here. Except as garbage lady.” She laughed again and it was jarring to hear.
I took her hand, lacing our fingers together in the normal way for us. “Of course you have a purpose here, Anne. Don’t be silly. You help me with Bible study, don’t forget.”
“Minnie and Bobbie straighten the hymnals. Stafford is responsible for cleansing the Sun Sanctuary. And Caitlyn walks with Pastor and writes down his words for our holy book—”
“And Tate cleans the shower room. And Sharon washes the floors. We all have duties that require more or less of us,” I reminded her.
Anne smiled again. It was her default reaction to stress and worry. To happiness and joy too. She used her smiles as a wall to keep doubt and pain away. I was pretty sure it didn’t work. I was privy to the secrets of my best friend’s heart and I worried that her unhappiness was too much sometimes. For her and for me.
I couldn’t dwell on negativity. None of us should. Pastor Carter said it was a symptom of a diseased world. And at this point in our journey, we should be better at dispelling it.
Anne was slower than most in walking the path.
I shook her arm. Slightly. A note of warning. “Accept what you are given. Blessed is the day God has made.”
Anne’s shoulders slumped a little, yet I couldn’t feel bad for lecturing her. It was what she needed to hear.
“I shouldn’t complain. I am blessed with this life.” I could still hear the lie and I knew she didn’t entirely believe what she said. That concerned me more than anything.
“I’ll help you clean up after the meal,” I said, hoping that would be enough to turn the dark thoughts away. I wasn’t entirely sure if it worked.
“Sure, that would be great. It’s been a long time since we swept a floor together. Especially now that you have so many meetings with Pastor.”
