Sara nodded shyly. “I couldn’t sleep. I decided to read.”
I grinned, feeling a bit lighter. “Wow, I’m impressed. It took me almost two months to finish it.” I liked the look of pride on her face. “What’d you think?”
She sat down on an overturned log, her hands on her thighs. “I liked it. It was interesting. Honestly, it’s the first book I’ve read in years.”
That admission made me sad. And it made me more determined than ever to take her with me when I left. I couldn’t leave her here to slowly wither away.
“Though Santiago seems like a jerk at times. He gave up on his love for the merchant’s daughter like it was nothing. He completely forgot about her. And then he fell in love with Fatima and everything he refused to give up for the merchant girl, he wanted to give up for the new one.” She made a face of disgust.
“Sometimes people are only meant to come into your life for a little while. And then sometimes they are meant to totally change you. Fatima was his true love. She was his fate. She helped him find his way,” I argued.
Sara rolled her eyes. “Said like an unromantic man.”
I puffed out my chest and put my shoulders back, standing straight and tall. “I’ll have you know, this manly man is incredibly romantic.”
She rolled her eyes again but it was her laugh that had me almost tripping over myself. “Love is love is love. I don’t understand how you can brush off someone only because they didn’t meet some sort of criteria.”
I sat down beside her on the log. It was chilly in the shade but warm enough that I felt over dressed in my heavy shirt. “But true love should never get in the way of enjoying your life to the fullest. It doesn’t stop you from going out into the world and living. If someone is trying to hold you back from being the best you, then in my opinion, it’s not really love. No matter how much it dresses itself up as affection. If someone says they love you but then holds you back, don’t believe them for a second.”
Sara was quiet for a while. I wasn’t sure if she was taking in what I had said, or if she dismissed it outright. I was trying to tell her that these people that claimed to love her didn’t know the meaning of the word.
“Do you have a personal legend?” she asked, stretching her legs out in front of her. “I can relate to it. Of having one single purpose that you can devote your life to.”
My mood soured. I hadn’t wanted reading my favorite book to reinforce any of the crap Pastor Carter shoved down her throat.
“Well, I think there can be multiple interpretations,” I started backpedaling.
“I always thought my purpose in life was to help people. Be a teacher. Or a social worker. Or a doctor. When I was little I made my mom take me to the local nursing home so I could hand out flowers I picked in the garden to the residents,” she chuckled.
I stared at her in wonder. And in surprise. That wasn’t at all what I thought she was going to say. And I was so damn glad she did. I liked being surprised by her.
“I think we would have been best friends when were kids.” I knocked my shoulder with hers.
“Oh yeah?” she cocked her head to the side. “You’re a bleeding heart too?”
I put my hand over my heart. “Certifiable, I’m afraid.”
She let out a sigh. “I sometimes wonder what I would have been if we hadn’t come here.” Her face paled instantly. “I didn’t mean I don’t want to be here. I love being here. I’m completely devoted—”
I put my hand on hers, trying to head off the panic. “It’s okay, I know what you meant. And—” I bumped her shoulder again, trying to make her smile. It worked. Sort of. But it was less heartfelt than before. “It’s okay to think about other directions your life can take. It makes you human. Maybe you should consider that your personal legend is out there somewhere. Waiting for you to find it.”
She didn’t say anything. For the first time since I’d arrived at The Retreat, I didn’t mind the silence.
“I can’t think that way. I belong here. My future ishere.” She seemed angry. And incredibly conflicted.
Was she trying to convince me? Or herself?
“Says who?” I challenged. “Pastor Carter? What does he know about what’s in your heart? What your hopes and dreams are?” I felt my own anger rise up to meet hers.
“He’s our leader. Our shepherd. He speaks God’s words…” her voice trailed off as if she couldn’t find the conviction to continue.
“Bullshit,” I snapped.
Sara’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I said that’s bullshit.” I tried to calm myself down. I knew that insulting the venerable Pastor Carter would get me nowhere with Sara. She had been brainwashed from an early age to believe every line of crap he said. I had to go about things a different way if I wanted her to see.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be so harsh. All I meant was that you can’t know what your true purpose is unless you experience things. Unless you put yourself out there and figure it out yourself.” I could see her shutting down. I was coming at her too hard—too fast.
