I knew of no other way to make a life for her than to do things that she could never forgive. I didn’t know how to be any other way.
Bug’s brother’s words rang in my ears.“If you were really his friends you would have told him to go home.”
I had failed Bug. I thought I was taking care of him. But in the end none of that had mattered because the life we lived killed him. We would always be in danger. Living on the streets. Doing things to make money that put our souls and hearts at risk.
She was vulnerable. I tried to keep her safe, just as I had with Bug, but Iknewit would never be enough.
The image of her face only hours before, watching me in that fucking alley, on my goddamned knees would haunt me for the rest of my life.
She looked shocked. Betrayed.
Disgusted.
I disgusted her.
I could never reconcile myself with the man who let the love of his life see him at his lowest. At rock bottom with no hope of climbing back up.
Even if the reasons felt sound at the time. I could justify making the choices that I did so easily. And that is what terrified me.
Imi deserved better than that.
Thanjustification.
She needed to go home.
“Don’t live a life that will kill you one day. You deserve better than that.”
Bug’s brother was right. Imogen needed much more than I could give her.
She needed to go back and find a life off the streets. Away from me.
I saw her running away from me over and over again in my head. On an endless loop.
I didn’t follow her. Maybe I should have. But I didn’t.
She ran but I knew she’d still wait for me. No matter how horrified she had been, her love held her prisoner. It was up to me to set her free.
Even if it broke my heart to do it, I’d walk away from her.
So I watched her waiting underneath the bridge and I saw the moment when she realized I wasn’t coming. I felt her grief. It washed over me like the rain that fell from the sky.
Our pain was the same.
We shared everything.
Our happiness.
Our hope.
And our gut-wrenching despair.
I followed her as she slowly made her way to a small house with the unkempt yard on the other side of town. I watched her go inside and she didn’t come back out again.
She had gone home.
Just as I had wanted her to.
So why did I feel like screaming?
