I stayed there all night. And the night after that. And the night after that.
I became an observer of her life.
I was okay with that. At least I could have something of her that was just mine.
I should have left town. If I thought things were miserable before, it was nothing compared to what it was like after I had lost her.
But I would never be able to leave as long as Imogen was here.
We were tied together. She was inescapable.
She had no idea that I was there for her high school graduation. I stood in the very back, unobserved. Her mother had been there, I was glad to see that. Imi looked so beautiful as she walked across the stage and accepted her diploma. Even if her eyes had been a little sad, her smile was genuine.
I was there the day she left for college. I had tried to breathe around the lump in my throat as I watched her load up a beat up Toyota with boxes and suitcases. I stood on the sidewalk until she drove from sight.
I could have left then; content in the knowledge that she was out there, living the life I wanted for her.
But I couldn’t leave the last place we had been together. I was a sentimental schmuck.
So I was still there the day she came back and settled.
I saw she and her mother unloading boxes and taking them inside. For just a brief moment I contemplated going to her. Telling her I was still there. That I’d always been there.
She had gone inside her mother’s home and I watched the older woman come back out and head to the car.
I stepped out of the shadows and walked slowly towards the house, not sure what I was going to say.
Her mother stopped and looked at me. “Can I help you?”
“I—” I looked up towards the house, wishing Imogen would come outside. I was desperate to see her. I was tired of staying away.
“Are you looking for Imi?” her mother asked, still watching me.
“How is she?” I asked, choking on a question I had no right to ask.
Her mother’s expression was hesitant. “She’s good. Really good. Just graduated from college. Got a job at the hospital in town.”
I smiled. I felt good again.
She frowned. “Are you a friend of Imi’s? I can go get her—”
“No. We’re not friends. I just remember her from a long time ago.” Lies. Careful and important. “Don’t mention I was here. She won’t remember me anyway.”
“Okay. Well, take care,” her mother said, dismissing me. Already forgetting I was there.
And it was just as well.
I slid back into the shadows of Imi’s life. I had to be content there.
Watching.
Reminding myself that she was better off without me.
That my decision to leave her was the right one.
I was there on her first day of work. Smiling and wearing a soft pink blouse and grey skirt.
I watched when she moved into her own place.
