“I want to see you,” he said, echoing words spoken long ago. I turned on my bedside light and stared up into his face.
His eyes were so green. Startlingly so against the yellow around them. I knew he was sick, but right then, he was more beautiful than I had ever seen him.
“Are you sure you’re okay? We don’t have to—”
Yoss cut me off with a brutal kiss. “There is nothing that I want more.”
He was there.
Then he was inside.
So deep.
So full.
We let out a breath together.
Our hearts pumping madly.
I felt his tears on my face. I didn’t wipe them away.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you,” I whispered.
Time moved so slowly. Languid and easy we curled in on each other, finally finding a peace that had evaded us for too long.
We had been tiptoeing to this point. Scared and unsure. Hesitant and overanxious. But when we made the leap it was worth it.
All the misguided heartache. The roller coaster of emotions. The anger. The worry. The grief.
We were here. In our magical moment, living the storywehad written.
“I want a family with you. I want a house full of children and holidays at the ocean,” Yoss said tiredly, his fingers tracing lazy circles on my naked back.
My eyes burned at his words. “I wish I could give that to you.”
We both knew it wasn’t possible.
We’d never have a child. It wasn’t in the cards for us. A dream that died before it could ever be realized.
“You can, Imi,” he said. “We can adopt. We can give a child with as shitty an upbringing as we had a real chance in life. A chance I never had.” I kissed his chin, loving his heart. His kind, perfect heart.
“I want that with you. But—” he paused.
Then in a flurry of movement he rolled me onto my back and leaned over me, his hair falling into his eyes. “But if I can’t have that dream with you, will you live it anyway?” he asked.
“What are you saying, Yoss?” Tears slid from the corners of my eyes, dripping into my hair.
He leaned down and kissed the salty trails. Drinking my tears. One at a time. “I’m saying that you deserve a family. I want you to have a full, happy life. Even if I’m not sharing it with you. It’s what I wanted for you that day under the bridge and it’s what I want for you now.” He kissed the side of my neck. “Only this time, no broken promises.” He laid his ear against my chest, listening for the beating that was only for him. “Can you give that to me? A promise to go on? Not just half living, but living to the fullest.”
The sweat had cooled. Yoss was weak. So weak. I heard it in the cadence of his tone. The heaviness of his limbs.
I was sleepy, but I wouldn’t close my eyes. I didn’t want to miss a single moment with him.
“I can promise to live the life we are supposed to have,” I fought. I argued.
Yoss lifted his head long enough to place a soft, sweet kiss over my heart. “Even if I’m not here,” he urged.
