“Okay, well I think I have everything I want. Let’s get out of here. I don’t want to stay here longer than I have to.” Yoss glanced around the room, a look of shame on his face. “I tried, you know. I really did try to do something else. To be something more.”
He squeezed my fingers again.
“You still can, Yoss. It’s not too late,” I told him. Squeeze. Pain.
He lifted our joined hands and pressed it to his chest.
“I found you again, didn’t I?” He smiled. It was a relief to see it there.
“I never really went away.”
“Do you know what happened to Shane? To Karla and Di?” I asked as we headed back towards town. My stomach was growling and when I looked at the time I realized it was close to lunchtime.
I drove past Seventh Street Bridge and by force of habit I looked out towards the crumbling uprights by the river. It was still the place to congregate. I could see groups of people hanging out, just as we had done.
“I spoke with Karla once,” I admitted.
Yoss looked at me in surprise. “You did? She never mentioned it.”
“Are you surprised she didn’t?” I raised my eyebrows and he shook his head.
“I never understood why she hated you so much. You never did anything to her,” Yoss mused.
I laughed. “Because she loved you. You knew that.”
“I think you overestimated her feelings, Imi,” Yoss scoffed.
“And I think you underestimate how important you were to everyone,” I said.
Yoss made a noise under his breath but didn’t comment so I went on. “I asked her where you were. She refused to talk to me. In fact she turned her back on me and walked away.” I remembered the day all too clearly. I had only been back home for a few weeks and I was half out of my mind wondering where Yoss had gone.
I went back to the bridge almost every day. I hadn’t seen anyone I recognized until that day weeks later. Karla was there with a group of people I didn’t know. I had called out to her.
“Karla!” I had waved when she looked my way.
I had run over to her, calling out her name. “Have you seen Yoss?” I yelled.
Karla’s face had gone cold. Incredibly hard. She had turned away from me and walked off.
I didn’t approach anyone else after that. I saw Shane a few times, but after Karla’s chilly greeting, I didn’t bother speaking to him. And I never saw Di. I missed her. Almost as much as I missed Yoss.
After the fire we had all become shells of ourselves. Some more so than others.
“Shane’s still around. He actually got a job as a janitor at the juice plant on the other side of town. He has a girlfriend he’s been living with for a few years now. I see him around every now and then. He’s doing pretty good for himself.”
“That’s great! I’m so glad,” I said genuinely.
“I’m not sure where Karla is. She hooked up with some guy and took off a while back. It’s not like she sends postcards.” Yoss shrugged, his mouth pressed into a thin line.
“And Di?” I asked softly.
Yoss rubbed his eyes and I noticed the strain on his face, the pallor of his skin. There were fine tremors in his hands and I could tell he was getting tired.
“Di took losing Bug really hard. She blamed herself for not making sure he got out. She relapsed. It was bad.” Yoss took a deep, shuddering breath and stared out the window. “I hate that I don’t really know what happened to her. Right before I got my apartment I tried to get her help. I even took her to the hospital so she could check herself in. She was hooked on some messed up shit. I had never seen her like that. Not even before.”
“Oh my god,” I breathed. “I should have come back to check on her. I should have made sure she was okay,” I berated myself.
Yoss’s eyes flashed in my direction. “What happened to Di isn’t your fault. We all make choices. We have to deal with the consequences.”
