“Nobody offered.” She shrugs miserably. “And once Eleanor was born, it was like I should have been over it, and focusing on her, instead of getting all panicky about things that had already happened.”
I feel sick, thinking of her pushing the obvious trauma all the way down so it didn’t inconvenience anyone. It’s as though a small part of her is still that scared, pregnant teenager, the memory of the fear and the extreme physical intensity sticking to her like a barnacle.
She lifts the remote and presses pause. “I’m sorry. I can only… I’m sorry.” A tear trails down her cheek, and I can feel it running over the surface of my heart. “I understand if you don’t want to take this any further. It’s…not exactly an appealing prospect, a sexless relationship. But - ”
“Natalie Karas.” I put my hands where her neck meets her shoulders and give her a soft shake. “Is that all?”
“What do you mean, ‘all’?” Her mouth curls with incredulity. “You can’t be - ”
“Never mind all that, just look at me.” I wait, patiently, not moving or saying anything further until her eyes meet mine again. “I love you.” It’s a relief to finally say it again. “I’ve always loved you, ever since we were teenagers. I haven’t let up for a single second, and it’s withstood not being with you for half my life. It’s not giving up now. It’s not giving upever.” Her lower lip starts to tremble, and I capture it between my own to make her believe what I’m saying. “So that’s the bedrock we’re dealing with, and believe me when I say it’s solid as concrete. Now, wecan explore options. I can have a vasectomy, that’s no problem. I’ll schedule one tomorrow. But if you’d feel better just never having sex ever again, and that’s the trade-off I need to make to be with you, then I’ll take it.”
She stares at me, and I return her look evenly. I’m deadly serious, and she needs to accept that. “You can’t mean it.”
“I can and I do. Nat… You’re all I ever think about. All I’ve wanted for so long. Don’t you know by now that I’d do literally anything for you?” I kiss the corner of her mouth, an idea lighting me up from inside. “Besides, there’s other stuff we can do that couldn’t possibly result in pregnancy.”
I know I’ve got her when a yearning expression fills her eyes. She knows exactly what I’m talking about; all the furtive touches we tried so hard to sate ourselves with before we went all the way. But, now that they’re on the table again, they’ll satisfy me just fine until I get the snip. They’re more than I would otherwise have, and a starving man doesn’t complain if he’s given bread instead of a sandwich, I think wryly.
“Let me remind you,” I whisper, inwardly frantic for her to say yes, nuzzling her nose with mine. Our lips slip together, finding each other inexorably, and she nods her consent, as incapable as I am of resisting what’s still between us.
I’m so grateful that her dress has buttons all the way down. They’re easy to undo, and my eyes light up when I see she’s not wearing underwear. Whether by necessity or by design on her part, it’s a total gift. “Bad girl,” I tease, and start to kiss my way down her neck. Her body is beautiful, and a little different from how I remember. She was almost flat chested before she got pregnant, and self-conscious about it, but I found her body to be ecstatically wonderful. Now, I can see how motherhood gaveher gentle curves and darkened her nipples to a gorgeous dusky colour. I can’t wait to roll my tongue over them, taste her skin, move lower…
“If you think it’s going to be all about me again, you’ve got another think coming,” she murmurs. I lift my head, and she’s grinning at me. “That time at the dance studio?” My pulse jumps as I remember. “I didn’t get to touch you, and I’m not missing out this time.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Is that so…”
She nods. “Strip. You have way too much on.”
What my girl wants, my girl gets. I shuck off my t-shirt and stand to discard my grey tracksuit bottoms and my boxers both together. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten naked so fast before.” I shake my head and huff out a laugh.
Her lips twitch, running her eyes over my bare body. I wonder how much I’ve changed over the years, what differencesshecould have noticed. “You weren’t far off during our first time.”
“Could you blame me?” I climb back on top of her, as I was. “I was only a teenage boy, and you were gonna -Jesus…” She reaches down and grabs me, and it’s the first time a hand other than my own has touched my rod in far too long. I have to fight for control, clenching my fists tight enough to hurt, to keep from spilling onto her stomach too soon. “Hang on a minute, honey,” I tell her, chuckling and holding her hand still when she starts to rub me.
“I haven’t started yet.” She pouts, but there’s mischief in it. I haven’t experienced confident, playful Nat like this before. It’s thrilling.
I dip my head lower, kissing down her abdomen towards her slit, but she pulls my hair to stop me. “If you’re gonna do that to me, I’m gonna do that to you,” she insists.
Nowthatsounds fun. “Seems fair.”
A few shifts and some repositioning later, and we’re in a careful sixty nine position with me on top. And I can’t work out what’s a bigger distraction: the delicious taste and smell of her pussy, or how dizzyingly amazing her mouth feels on my shaft. I’m on a knife edge here, and it’s only been minutes.Sue me, it’s been forever.I’ve got to be merciless on her, or I’ll come first, and that is just not something I’ll allow myself.
Her clit is so hard and swollen that I know I have a fighting chance. And I know she used to like it rubbed and licked side to side, so I do that until I hear her moaning around my cock. Unfortunately, that pushes me too close to the edge for comfort, so I withdraw for a few moments to recover, even though my dick is screaming at me to get back inside her mouthright now. Little minx doesn’t help matters by stroking me, her grip tight and perfect, andshit,I’m seeing stars.
Frantic now, because I know I’m going to blow any second, I give up and start sucking on her clit like my life depends on it. Her hips start bucking as much as they can, given the casts and her position, and I hold them tightly, pinning her down and forcing her to take it, take the same electrifying pleasure she’s giving me as she resumes sucking me off, let this make her clench her teeth until they crack just like me…
Fuck. I didn’t ask her where she wanted me to come.
Rubbing her clit to keep her momentum up, I try to pull out again. “I’m too close,” I pant, and she grabs my arse and pullsme back, sucking me deeper,Christ, I’m hitting the back of her throat…
I’m a goner.
I’m pretty sure I got her there at the same point I detonated, or very close. But there’s a unique, damn near glorious magic in being able to taste her orgasm at the same time as feeling my own pumping out of me and into her mouth.
It’s nothing short of heaven.
“Now do you believe me,” I say to her, switching around so I can hold her.
“Can’t not,” she mutters, her voice hoarse because of me.
