“You haven’t seen it yet? But youloveJilly Cooper…” I smirk. “And David Tennant, come to that.” It’s true. He was myrival, pun not intended, for her affections when we were younger. And probably still is.
“Just haven’t gotten around to it yet.”
Perfect. I’ve already seen it, and I know what happens in the very first scene. Am I a bit evil? Maybe. But I can’t resist the idea of watching it with her. “Then let’s do it.”
And, sure enough, in the first three seconds we see an actor’s clenching buttocks as he joyfully thrusts into his partner, who cries out in ecstasy as they join the mile high club. The scene is shot comically and in the spirit of fun, but the raw sexuality is inescapable. I chuckle when Nat goes bright red and covers her face with one hand. “Ohshit… I didn’t think…”
I give her a look. “It’s listed as a ‘bonkbuster’. Scenes like that can’t come as a surprise to you.”
“Yeah, but…it hasn’t even started yet…” She cringes as the woman’s cries take on a climactic quality. “Bloody hell.”
“Hey.” I take her wrist and gently tug it away from her face. “We’re both adults. There’s nothing wrong with watching, andenjoying, some adult content.”Is your pussy feeling fluttery, Nat?Even the idea has me starting to harden.
“Right.” She sighs, and joins me in a laugh. “I’m being ridiculous.”
I tip my head to one side. “We are, you know.”
“What?”
“We’re bothadults.” The meaning in the look I give her surely can’t be brushed off. “We’re not kids anymore, Nat.”
She presses her lips together, and I feel a twist of disappointment when she looks away, back to the posh twats baiting each other on the plane. But then she whispers, “I know.”
I can’t concentrate on this damn show. I enjoyed it when I first saw it, but the woman I love, have always loved, is next to me on my bed. Her side touches mine here and there, and I can smell her perfume. White Musk by The Body Shop. She wore it then, and she wears it to this day. It filled my senses when I lost my virginity to her, and it has me slavering inside like Pavlov’s dog now it’s so close. The memories of her underneath me, the way she made sweet little gasping noises when I eased my cock into her, breaching her. Burying my face in her neck and breathing in that fucking gorgeous floral scent. The tightness of her clamped around me, too much to handle, too good to be real…
The naked tennis scene follows fairly swiftly, and by that point, I’m achingly hard, twitching further when I see her thighs are squeezing together above her casts. Once again, Nat is biting down hard on her lip, and I remember how that mouth of hers tastes, and I can’t wait another second to have that again.
She looks at me as though she can’t not, and in perfect unison, she and I both say, “Fuck it.”
Great minds.
I lean forward, and she welcomes me, holding a fistful of hair at the back of my head to keep me in place as our lipsfinallyreunite, and she tastes every bit as wonderful as I remember. I can’t hold back a groan of relief and satisfaction at kissing her again at last, and being kissed back, as hungrily and desperately as I am. Careful not to bother her lower legs, I roll and place my knees either side of her thighs, holding myself up so I don’t squash her, and bracket her jaw with my hands. She’s not going anywhere. Nothing and no-one is going to interrupt us this time.
I kiss her again, deeper, and when I seek her tongue with mine, everything between us, all the years of repressing and pretending to just be friends and co-parents and nothing more, all blow up until they’re smears on the walls. She clings to me, hard, and my right hand travels down her neck, over her collarbone -
“I can’t,” she bursts out, pushing me back. The shock of returning to reality has my head whirling for a second or two, but the sight of her resting her forehead on her hand speeds up the process. “I’m sorry.”
I try to calm down my panting and think a bit more clearly. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” she says instantly, shaking her head hard. “No, this is a me thing.”
I gently tuck a strand of her hair away from her beautiful face. Her lips are puffy, her face flushed, her eyes glittering.God, she’s perfection. “Nat…we’re allowed to do this. We’re two consenting adults,” I say carefully.
“I know.” An impatient noise escapes the back of my throat. “I just can’t…if we…” She huffs out a sigh. “I can’t get pregnant again.”
I laugh in relief. “I wasn’t planning on doing that,” I assure her. “Besides, with your legs - ”
“No, I mean…” Her eyes fill with tears. “Not ever.”
I nod. “OK.” It may have been nice to have another baby together as adults, but I’m not wedded to the idea. I’d rather be with her, on any terms she cares to name. She’s more important to me than having another El.
“You don’t understand.” She can’t even look at me. I frown. This is fuckingserious. “There’s only one way to be safe, and that’s to…not. I don’t trust condoms, they didnothingfor us before. And look at what happened to Sadie. She conceived Rhiannon when she was on theimplant. So I can’t trust other forms of contraception, either. My brain just won’t let me.” Her fingers rub her temples. “And maybe I’m being ridiculous, but you don’t know what it was like, being pregnant - the sickness, the pain, thebirth. Like being taken over and then ripped in two.” Fuck, she looks almost green. “I have nightmares sometimes, that I’m fifteen again, and everyone is judging me and nobody is helping - ”
“Nat.” Finally, she looks me in the eye, and I take her chin in my hand. “You were fifteen years old. It was a lot for anyone to have to cope with, and you were much too young for all of it. Of course you wanted some safety and steady ground afterwards.” I pause, thinking how to phrase this next part well. “Didn’t you ever get any therapy? Afterwards, maybe? I always thought you might’ve.”
“No.”
I flinch. “Why not?”
