I can feel the first warning prickles of a cold sweat when my phone makes noise again, sounding a little far away.
Leo: Don’t freak out. Lots of people Google people they've met, and her finding out more about Nolan can’t be helped.
That fucker is psychic sometimes, I swear to god. I take one deep, steadying breath. I knew all of this anyway, the futility of it all. Nothing has changed, and nothing will.
My phone goes off again. It’s scary how much I like seeing that red number one on her icon.
Liaden: This and that - got a little more work to do. What’s your favourite sitcom and why? I have Netflix, and I might switch it on for some background noise. What would you recommend?
OK, that’s a normal, non-scary question. Leo’s probably right: just be honest, and don’t make it weird. How would I respond to Em or Sadie if they asked that?
Dean: Aw man, now you’re asking. Too many to choose from. I’m halfway through Parks and Recreation and I’m loving it. It’s so upbeat and good natured
Sitcoms are my safe place. Even the worst ones just want to make you smile and laugh. And most of them don’t involve guns or violence. I can relax and know that I’m not suddenly going to get confronted with anything that sends me on a flashback. There’s a couple of episodes of different shows here and there that I can’t watch - like theFriendsepisode where they do a ridealong with Phoebe’s cop boyfriend, and an episode ofFresh Princewhere Will gets shot, and even an episode or two ofThe Simpsons(I still don’t know for sure who shot Mr Burns, although Leo keeps yanking my chain that it was Maggie) - but they’re all easy enough to avoid, and Googling in advance takes care of the rest.
I’m not even gonna pretend I’m not staring at my screen, willing her to respond when I should be doing the exact opposite. But she doesn’t make me wait long.
Liaden: I LOVE Leslie Knope. And Ron Swanson’s drunk dancing is one of my favourite moments in the whole damn show.
I grin.
Dean: Yeah, I loved that bit. Ron and his three acceptable haircuts are iconic
Liaden: He’s fantastic from start to finish. And I loved April and Andy’s relationship. And Leslie and Ben. And Chris and Ann. So many amazing couples.
Dean: Yeah - all perfect for each other in their own way
Liaden: I completely agree. And Leslie’s crush on Joe Biden is comedy gold.
Liaden: Has he had his cameo yet?
Dean: No?!
Liaden: …Oops, sorry about the spoiler :D But you just wait, it’s PERFECT.
And once again, she’s making it so easy. Normal people have messenger chats every day, and it’s awesome to be able to communicate with her so smoothly.
Leo texts me again.
Leo: GOOGLE HER
Leo: Holy fuck, dude :-O
I sit up. Why ‘holy fuck’? Because she’s just that beautiful, or…?
I hesitate, still not wanting to be the stalker freak who snoops into a woman’s business. I’m enough of a freak without adding ‘creep’ into the mix. But I can’t read a message like that and be reasonably expected to shrug it off. And hey, she looked me up on Facebook first, right? No harm in me looking at her profile…
Her profile photo shows her speaking into a microphone on a podium with a huge screen behind her. She’s wearing a sharplycut black suit, and her businesslike outfit is at odds with her chaotic pink hair. Still, the look on her face is one of focus and absolute confidence in whatever it is she was saying. This is a photo of a world expert imparting her wisdom.
My pants tighten uncomfortably, because intelligence has always been unbearably sexy to me. My first crushes were Dana Scully, Topanga Lawrence, and Willow Rosenberg, and I ate it up every time I watched Callie ace any math equation sent her way. Seeing Liaden’s photo of her leading a seminar is downright sizzling my bacon.
I look down at my crotch and roll my eyes.Not now, I think at my hardening dick, and dredge up thoughts of baseball and Grandma and my dad’s watch collection until my semi gives up the ghost and dies away.Not tonight.
There’s not much info on her page. A few photos, but if I start clicking on those, I might never stop. Her birthday is listed, and I realize it’s within a couple of days of appointment number three. She’s listed as working at the University of Foxton, and she has over three thousand Facebook friends. Her relationship status isn’t listed, and it suddenly occurs to me: is she even single?
My gut sinks at the idea that she isn’t, and that some lucky person out there gets to spend their spare time with her, and hold her and touch her the way I can’t honestly say I don’t want to. My heart then skips a beat at the idea that sheissingle. She’s been a little playful with me in a way I don’t think she would if she had someone waiting for her. Liaden comes across as very forthright, not the type to mess someone around behind their back.
Liaden: You’ve got me wanting to re-watch Parks and Rec… ;)
