What does this mean? Why would she even look me up, let alone friend me? I don’t get it. I mean, sure, I’ve flicked back to her text over the past few days more than I’d care to admit, and I’ve even typed out a few responses, but I haven’t sent a single one because I figuredno way. But she’s gone ahead and done it. Why?
No big deal, asshole. You get friend requests from clients all the time, and lots of people send them to random acquaintances. And that’s all you are to her, so hakuna your tatas and stop deluding yourself.
OK, I feel calmer now. Let’s see what happens.
I click on the ‘accept’ button and place my phone next to me, trying not to look at it while I pick up the remote.
Within seconds, a chat window opens up.
Liaden: Hello! I just want to verify that you ARE the same Dean Gastright that works at Wishbone Tattoos in Foxton, correct?
She just wants to make sure I’m not some random Dean Gastright, that’s all. Even though, I can’t deny my heart leapt when that message alert tone rang.
Dean: Hi :) yeah, that’s me.
So far so good. Though…is the smiley face juvenile? What am I, a teenager?
Liaden: Phew! I thought it must be you - I don’t suppose there are a huge amount of Dean Gastrights in the world. It wasn’t easy to tell with no photos on your profile, though :D
Liaden: What are you up to this evening?
Well, at least she used a smiley, too.
How the hell do I play this?
Play what, jackass?This.Means.Nothing.Get over yourself.
Right now, I wish to holy hell I was Leo. That charming bastard would have a whole back catalogue of cool things to say to make her want to keep messaging back. Or, more likely, he’d just say something slick like,Baby, come on over, I’ll make you breakfast in the morning. And that ain’t happening.
In fact, do I even want to have a messenger conversation with the woman I can’t have?
There are a million reasons why not, I think as I rub my throat scars, and I am winging it in this unchartered territory…but yes. Yes, I really do. Even just to know a bit more about her, and to speak to a person I like. It doesn’t need to lead anywhere. I can take it.
Cutting my losses, I screenshot it and send it to Leo. It’s against my better judgment, and I prepare myself for a Gitmo style grilling with bright lights and annoying music, but I don’t want to fuck this up.
Me: HELP. WTF do I say?
Five, four, three, two, one…
Leo: HOLY SHIT
Leo: Is this the bird you did overtime for???
Me: Yes
Leo: I FUCKING NEW IT
Leo: *knew
Leo: Bloody hell, I’m too excited to type properly!!!!!!!!!
Me: Leo, please will you help. She’s gonna think I don’t want to talk to her
I glance at Facebook messenger, and the green dot, to show she’s online, is still there.
Leo: And you do, dontcha :D :D :D never fear, Leo the Love Doctor is here
Leo: I’M PRINTING LEO THE LOVE DOCTOR BUSINESS CARDS
