Peyton chewed his lip, then took a deep breath. “Come to tomorrow night’s game. We’re about to hit the road for a few games, so it’ll be good for the team—really good for them—to see you there before we go. It’ll be good for morale.” He paused, brow pinching. “And I’m no expert, but I bet it’ll be good for you, too.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. He’d been honest with me—sometimes brutally honest—from the start. He wouldn’t blow smoke up my ass now. That just didn’t seem like him.
I fidgeted. “You don’t think it’ll be a distraction? I don’t want to throw the guys off right before?—”
“Not at all.” He sounded confident. “Trust me. It’ll be a good morale boost.” He paused. “And not just for the team.”
I couldn’t explain the rush of warmth. Maybe because he saw right through me and knew that visit would be good for me? Or maybe because I thought he might be referring to himself? Both?
Either way, I couldn’t say no. I’d been dreading the first time I saw my teammates playing without me, but now…
“All right.” I smiled. “I’ll be there.”
I had some second thoughts about going to the game, but Peyton was holding me to it. In fact, I’d offered to drive him to the arena since he and the team were heading to the airport right after the game. So now Icouldn’tbail.
I mean, I could. I knew he’d let me off the hook without any protest, and it wasn’t that big of a deal for someone to drive himself on a travel night. But I wouldn’t let myself out of it now, so… whatever.
In my bedroom, I tugged at my tie and looked myself up and down in the mirror. I’d been wearing suits to games since forever, and it hadn’t been all that long since my last game. Still, it felt weird tonight. Like being in the wrong skin.
Like I don’t belong there.
I pushed that thought down. No, Ididbelong. My stint in the assistance program was a setback, like an injury putting me on LTIR. I’d come back from those just like I’d come back from this.
I just wondered how many games it would take beforethis newfound imposter syndrome went away. Before I felt like I was worthy of a Whiskey Rebels’ sweater, never mind one with a C on it.
That thought gave me pause.
Maybe the C is the problem. Maybe I can’t handle the captaincy.
Maybe I needed to talk to Coach about that. Talk to the guys about relinquishing the C and letting someone else take the reins.
That was a conversation for another day, though; the whole point of tonight was for me to show my face. Be a morale boost for the guys so they could head out on their road trip without worrying about me. I didn’t imagine any of them were losing much sleep over me, but Peyton insisted it would be good for them, so… I was doing this.
I gave myself one more long look in the mirror. Straightened my tie. Took a deep breath.
Then I headed downstairs, got in the car, and drove over to Peyton’s place.
As he came out of his apartment, some of my tangled-up thoughts faded away. What could I say? It was hard to hold on to a negative thought when that man was coming down the steps in a dark blue plaid suit that fit him like a damn dream. He just looked so fucking good.
Any chance we can go inside for a little while? Maybe get a head start on your pregame warmups?
The ridiculous thought made me chuckle, so at least I was smiling when he got in the car. That meant he wouldn’t catch on that I’d been mentally spinning out and reconsidering my place as the team’s captain. Perfect.
As he pulled on his seat belt, he met my gaze, his own smile lighting up the whole world. “Ready for this?”
“Of course.” I started backing out of the parking space. “Isn’t like I’ve never been to a hockey game.”
“Okay, true. But you know what I mean.”
I did. As I shifted gears and headed out of the lot, I was grateful that I had the road to hold my attention. I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing the scrutiny that I could feel coming from the passenger seat.
“It’s… weird, I guess?” I tapped my thumbs on the wheel. “It’s one thing to show up when I’m on LTIR or something. This is different, you know?”
“I get it. But it’s really not as different as you think. I mean, one of my teammates a couple of years ago took a leave of absence to deal with his mental health. Bad bout of depression, I think it was.”
I nodded slowly. “Oh, yeah. I remember that. Hayes, wasn’t it?”
“Yep. And the thing is, we all knew he was struggling. When it finally came out what was going on, nobody gave him shit. It was like, oh, okay,that’swhat’s happening.”
