He stared at me, mouth still open with what was probably a protest.
“Mental health is important too,” I went on softly. “We’re all really good at ignoring it, but it’s important. And I can’t imagineanyonethinking less of you because yours took a dive after you lost your best friend.”
Avery pressed his lips together and stared down at his hands again. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded hollow: “It’s been a lot harder than I thought it would be.”
“I don’t think anyone’s ever prepared for something like that.”
He shook his head slowly, eyes distant. He was quiet for a moment, then ran a hand through his hair and pushed out a breath. “Thank you, by the way.” He looked at me with tired eyes, and he managed a small smile. “I’m sorry you ended up with so much of this on your shoulders. I have no idea how to make it up to you, but…”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re taking care of yourself.”
“I’d like to tell you that was inevitable,” he said softly. “Maybe it was. But you shoving a mirror in my face got me to get help before things got out of hand. So… thanks for that. And I’m sorry I put you in a position to need to do it, but I’m still grateful you did.”
My voice threatened to get thick as relief and too many awful memories piled on. Too much guilt—what if I’d done something for Richards? I couldn’t change that now, though. I could just be glad I’d stuck to my guns this time.
“You’re my teammate,” I said softly. “And my friend.”
Avery flinched. “Teammate, yeah. I, um… I don’t think I’ve been that great of a friend, though.”
“You had a lot on your plate. I don’t?—”
“No.” He shook his head sharply. “I was an asshole to you. Plain and simple. I’m just incredibly lucky that you’re the kind of person who doesn’t throw up his hands and say, ‘You know what? Fuck you.’ So… thanks for that.” He swallowed hard. “And I’m sorry again. For all of it.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I never doubted that.”
He studied me for a moment, some unspoken thought pulling his eyebrows together. Then he tilted his head back against the cushion and sighed. “Losing Leif—that was hard. Still is. But this? It’s fucking hard as hell too.”
“Going to therapy and rehab?”
He nodded slowly, as if the movement took all the energy he had left. “My first session with a counselor is tomorrow. I’m, uh… I’m not looking forward to it.”
“You haven’t talked to anyone yet?”
“I have.” He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. “But that was just an intake evaluation. Figuring out what I need, how much if a mess I am…” He wiped his hand over his face again. “Tomorrow, we start digging into the hard stuff.”
I watch him, not quite sure what to say. Finally, I went with, “Do you want me to come by tomorrow?”
He met my gaze, surprise registering in his expression. “You don’t have to.”
“I know. But maybe it would help to see someone who’s just going to chirp and tell you the latest locker room gossip.”
The laugh that tumbled out of him was soft, but it gave me a rush I couldn’t quite explain. As if it was a good sign, and also because it was a glimpse of that smile that always made me dizzy.
“Locker room gossip and chirping are always good,” hesaid, still chuckling. “If, um… If you want to. I don’t know what kind of headspace I’ll be in, but I won’t say no to the company.”
“All right.” I nodded sharply. “I’ll text you after practice is over. See where you’re at.”
“Okay.” He swallowed. “I think my appointments and crap are over at like four. There’s…” He groaned and rolled his eyes. “There’s a lot tomorrow. They said the schedule will be lighter going forward, but it starts out with alot.”
“I bet.”
Silence hung between us. I was still treading cautiously here, trying to figure out where to step. After a moment, I asked, “Are you coming to the game tonight?”
Chewing his lip, Avery shook his head. “Not… Not yet.”
“The guys would love to see you,” I whispered.
“I know.” He didn’t look at me. “And… tell them I said thanks for the support. Because it really means a lot. But it’s…” His jaw worked for a few long seconds before he finally said, “I’m not ready to face them.”
