“Shit,” I whispered, reaching back to rub my neck with both hands. “I fucked up bad, didn’t I?”
“No, you didn’t.” The“not yet”went unspoken, but I heard it just the same.
“I would have, though.” I sat up again, facing him even though meeting his eyes filled me with renewed shame. “If you hadn’t been here, no one else would’ve stepped in.”
“You don’t know that. I’m probably more tuned into it than most people, so I picked up on it right away. Butsomeone would’ve noticed the cracks sooner or later.” He looked right in my eyes. “I know you were trying to keep it out of everyone’s sight, but you can only do that for so long.”
I wanted to be embarrassed by that, but I think I’d hit embarrassment saturation at that point. And if anything, gratitude hit me. That despite all my efforts to hide what was happening, I would’ve failed eventually. That I’d had someone on my team—on my line—who knew the subtle signs to watch for so I didn’t have to hit rock bottom first.
I pushed out a ragged breath. “I guess I’m lucky Pittsburgh signed you.”
He laughed quietly. “It worked out, didn’t it?”
“Yeah. It did. In fact…” I took a deep breath. “You want to hear something crazy?”
Peyton watched me with a mix of caution and curiosity.
My voice shook, but I managed to get the words out: “One of the last conversations I ever had with Leif was about you.”
“It… It was?”
I nodding, staring down at my hands. “He knew I had a thing for you. Had for a long time. So when we found out your were coming to the team…” I laughed almost soundlessly. “When I kissed you in the hotel… Yeah, I was drunk. I don’t even remember it all that clearly.” I made myself look in his eyes. “Just… don’t think being drunk was the only reason I came on to you like that.”
He stared at me, his expression unreadable. “Oh.”
Shame and embarrassment coiled in the pit of my stomach, and I dropped my gaze again. “I’m sorry. For what happened in the hotel, and for bringing it up now. I…” I laughed as I raked a hand through my hair. “I don’t even know why I told you that.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “Because…” He shifted a little, suddenly flustered in a way I couldn’t quite understand. “Listen, to put it bluntly, the feeling’s mutual.”
My head snapped up, which didn’t do much to ease the throbbing inside my skull. “It is?”
“Yeah. I was… Coming to Pittsburgh, I was really excited to be on your team. And not just because of the way you play hockey.”
I blinked. “Seriously?”
A blush rose on his cheeks as he flicked his eyes away and nodded. “Yeah. And it’s… That hasn’t changed, you know?”
“Not even after I’ve made a complete ass of myself?”
“You haven’t, Avery.” He met my gaze again. “You’ve been going through hell. I’m not holding it against you or judging you for it.”
“But I…” Heat rushed into my face. “God, I blew it, didn’t I? With everything I?—”
“No,” he whispered. “You didn’t blow it.”
I searched his eyes, disbelieving there was any coming back from the last several weeks. And yet at the same time, I had an odd sense of déjà vu. As if we’d had this conversation already. Or at least brushed up against it. Last night, maybe? Christ, I could only imagine howthathad gone.
“You didn’t blow it,” Peyton said again. “But you need to focus on you right now. Not the team, and not… whatever this is.”
I swallowed. Well, at least he tried to let me down easy. I could read between the?—
“If there’s something here”—Peyton gestured at himself, then me—“it’ll keep, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be here as your friend and your teammate while you’re getting through this. The rest? We can figure that out later.”
I blinked. “Wecan?”
“Of course we can. There’s time. I was attracted to you before I came to Pittsburgh, and I still am. I can wait.”
I had no idea how to process that. After all the reasons I’d handed him to wash his hands of me and decide I wasn’t worth a damn, he was still here. He was going to help me get into rehab and therapy. And somehow, he still thought there was potential for something to happen between us. Something good, rather than all the recent bullshit.
