“You know,” Peyton said softly, “just because millions of people rely on a bridge every day doesn’t mean it won’t collapse when it goes too long without repairs.”
I met his gaze.
He moved a little closer to me, eyes locked on mine. “Avery, you’ve been trying to hold up this entire team while you’re falling apart. Let us carry the team while you take care of yourself. Letuscarry that weight while you take care of yourself.” He put his hand on my forearm. “Letustake care ofyou.”
My throat constricted, and I avoided his gaze.
“I get it, okay?” he said. “We—men—we’re supposed to be strong and stoic. Letting our emotions out is supposed to be weak, but it’snotweak. And the thing is, even if itwasweak, no one’s expecting you to bethisstrong.”
God, I was so done crying. Today. At all. I was just so done with tears.
At least I didn’t completely unravel this time. I wasn’t so sure I had it in me to fall apart like that again. Peyton rested a hand on my shoulder as I collected myself, and when I’d more or less regained my composure, he asked, “You all right?”
“Not really, no.” Why was it so liberating to say that out loud? “But I think… I don’t know. I think I needed that more than I realized. And what you said…” I managed something that I hoped resembled a smile. “Thanks. I needed to hear that.”
His smile was soft. Far more sweet and endearing than I deserved.
I sniffed and wiped my eyes. “I think you’re right, too. About the drinking and—yeah. I can’t keep doing this to myself.” I pushed out a ragged breath. “I should talk to the front office about the player assistance program.”
Peyton exhaled hard, and I didn’t think I was imagining the sheer relief rolling off him. “I can go with you if you want,” he said softly. “If you need some moral support.”
“But you need to get to practice.” It was still early yet, but in another hour or two, he’d have to start getting ready.
“I’ll talk to Coach,” he said. “This seems more important.”
I studied him. “Why are you doing this for me? After I’ve been such a dick to you, and…” I trailed off, not sure how to finish.
Peyton was quiet for a long moment, staring down at his own hands. “To be fair, I might’ve come on a little strong about the drinking.”
“No, you didn’t.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “You were right. Yeah, I was pissed about it, but now…”
He shifted a little on the cushion. “I could’ve been more…” He chewed his lip, then sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know. I do jump the gun about stuff like that, though.” The distant look in his eyes gave me pause.
“Is there a story there?”
Peyton swallowed. Then he rolled his shoulders and reached up to scratch the back of his head. “My mom—she had a drinking problem. A bad one.”
“Oh. Shit.”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “She’s better now. She’s been through rehab and all that, but I mean, the damage is done. She has a ton of health problems now because of it, and I know she feels guilty about the strain her addiction put on all of us.” He turned to me. “And one of my teammates drank himself right out of his career.”
My breath hitched. “Really?”
Pursing his lips, he nodded. “JeffRichards.”
“Ooh. Yeah, I remember he…” I tilted my head, trying to remember what I’d heard about Richards. “He lost his career over it?”
“In the end, yeah. It was pretty messy.” Peyton sat back against the couch and blew out a breath. “I don’t even know where he is now. Or…ifhe is.”
A chill shot right through me. Of all the things Peyton had said to gently nudge me toward rehab, I was pretty sure that one was the swift kick in the ass I truly needed.
What if I’d lost control before someone had scraped me up? What if I’d managed to get deep enough into a bottle that I completely screwed over not only my team, but myself? Alcohol poisoning. A car accident. Hadn’t Richards’s drinking problem been piggybacked by an opioid addiction? How bad couldthathave gotten?
Cold water slithered through my veins as the truth hit me in the chest:
What if I’d been so far out of control that my teammates had to grieve another player?
While I’d buckled under the pressure of being their captain after we’d lost Leif, it had never dawned on me what it might do to them if they had to bury another captain.
