Oh. Fuck.
Was I higher than I thought?
Or was he really standing that close?
And was he really looking at me like he was debating a kiss?
Or was I just projecting because, holy shit, I wanted to kiss him?
I didn’t know if it was because he’d reminded me how much we’d both loved him sucking me off, or if I’d just smoked enough that my inhibitions had up and left, or?—
Jesse abruptly broke eye contact and gestured toward his room. “I’m, uh… Going to go wrap up some emails before bed.”
“Right. Yeah. And I need that shower.”
We locked eyes again.
The words,“You’re welcome to join me”were dangerously close to the tip of my stupid tongue.
Jesus Christ, I want you.
Before I said or did something I couldn’t take back, I headed for my own room. Jesse did the same.
With the door closed behind me, I exhaled. I’d been imagining all that. Jesse had been hot for me the night we’d all hooked up, but that didn’t mean he wanted me now. Or, if hedidwant me, that it was a good idea for us to act on it.
I wiped a hand over my face. Maybe I should lay off the weed while he and I were in the same place; it didn’t make me completely stupid, but it did burn down my inhibitionsjustenough to make me consider doing something reckless. And hot. And?—
I shook myself and did what I’d said I was going to when I came in here—grabbed a shower. I made it a cold one—okay, lukewarm—in hopes that would cool me off. It didn’t help much, though it did clear my head a little.
Thinking back to that night we’d spent with the woman who was now our ex, I saw him in a different light. I’d been envious of him. Intimidated, even. There’d been a flicker of shyness in him when we’d started getting undressed; I hadn’t understood it then, but now…
Now it made more sense.
It genuinely hadn’t ever occurred to me that packing as much as he did would be a source of stress or embarrassment. It reminded me of a woman I’d dated a few years ago who hadn’t believed me when I’d said her small breasts were sexy ashell. She’d been beautiful, but she was absolutely convinced her breasts were too small, and she was unattractive as a result.
More to the point, she’d beenlividwhen one of her friends had mentioned she was contemplating a breast reduction.
“Back and neck pain, my ass,”she’d said when we were alone.“That’s just something girls with big boobs make up so they can complain.”She’d rolled her eyes.“They wantsympathyfor having something the rest of us would die for. That would be like a guy complaining that life issoterrible with a big dick. Give me a break.”
At the time, I’d agreed because I didn’t have a clue about anything. Then I’d met Selena, and I’d been with her before, during, and after her breast reduction. I’d seen the difference in her quality of life. How much less self-conscious she’d been, and also how obvious it was in hindsight that she’d been in a ton of pain. So I’d realized my previous ex had been wrong after all.
It just hadn’t dawned on me that her analogy about well-endowed men might havealsomissed the mark. The two weren’t quite the same—I didn’t imagine Jesse experienced the constant pain that Selena and my ex’s friend had lived with—but the point was made: maybe biggerwasn’talways better.
And yeah, when he’d gone down on me, he’d licked and sucked my cock like it was the biggest turn-on of his life. That hadn’t been a pity blowjob. Not even a performance to make Selena hot. He’d blown me like his life depended on it, and I’d thought about his talented mouth formonthsafter. And of course, the hot, desperate way he’d begged me to top him, and how hard he’d come while I was in him.
No, Jesse, nothing about that made me think you didn’t want me or my dick.
I closed my eyes and wiped a hand over my face, sighing as the dick in question began to stir.
Oh, yeah, he’d wanted it that night.
And now we were staying in this cabin, sleeping right across the hall from each other, after that long conversation about…
Is it too much to hope he wants me or my dick again?
Okay, probably. And even if by some miracle he was into me, it would probably be a bad idea to act on it. We were stuck together for the next almost three weeks, plus the long drive home. And at least for the moment, I lived with him.
We were also both still getting over Selena.
