“To the hotel, I guess. I don’t know. Where should I go? What should I do now?”
How pathetic she sounded, even to herself. But that was how she felt.
“I think you need to figure things out with your father.”
“Yes.”
“Who do you think it is? This other woman?”
Nic had her suspicions. “He has an office manager who’s divorced. Same age. He wouldn’t look for someone younger. He would want someone like…”
“Your mother,” Reyes finished the thought. “I get it. He lost her the same day he lost your sister. It makes sense he’d want to get that feeling back. When you lose someone you love that much, you want someone who was just the same. Because you know that’s the kind of person your heart desires and nothing else will satisfy it.”
Nic studied him now, curiously.
“Did you lose someone you were in love with?”
Reyes sat up straighter. His face flinched. She’d hit a nerve.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “That’s none of my business.”
“It’s okay.”
But then, he didn’t answer.
When they reached Laguna, Reyes pulled the car up to the curb. He handed her a piece of paper and a pen from the center console.
“Here—do me a favor. Write down your father’s full name. Make and model of his car. Where he works. The name of the office manager. Anything else that might help me look into this for you.”
“I don’t know…”
“Just write it down and then call me later if you want me to do something about it. I’ll wait to hear from you—promise.”
Nic wrote down the information, though each stroke of the pen felt like a stab in her father’s back.
“Do you want me to go up with you?” Reyes asked, folding the paper into his pocket.
“No, I’m fine. Will you come back later?” It was strange how she wanted to be alone but how it also terrified her.
“Of course,” he said. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
And then the anxiety shifted. As she got out of the car. Watched him drive away. And remembered the gate that was now locked at that house.
And who was this woman he’d loved and lost and was trying to replace? Maybe with her?
She walked into the lobby and smelled the sickening sweet pull of the bar, and the instant relief that was waiting for her there.
39
Day sixteen
Cyanide.
I taught this in one of my eighth grade chemistry units.
Hours pass as I sit on the floor and help Alice with her homework. She is very sorry about my daughter but life must go on. I must be a good mommy.
Thank you, Alice, for reminding me of what’s important.
