She does not need to say the rest. That he has my daughter. That he will take her and kill me if I do not behave.
I manage to walk across the floor to the grate. My skin stings in the places where the splinters of wood have entered.
“Sit down,” Alice says. Sad Face has returned. She is volatile now, and I have to calm her. I have to feed her need to empathize with me, to comfort me.
So I sit.
“Give me your hands,” she demands.
I give her my hands.
She holds them tight and presses her cheek into them.
“What will happen to you if I have to have that new mommy? What if she’s not as good a mommy as you are? What if she only loves him the way you only love me?”
She begins to cry now, tears of empathy as I knew she would, and I can feel her calming. She presses my hands to her wet little face and cries into my skin.
“Don’t worry,” I tell her. “I will be better. I will make him happy so you don’t have to get a new mommy.”
She looks at me as though I’ve just tried to tell her the sky is purple. We both know what Mick wants.
He wants Nicole.
But I remind myself that Mick is not the only one in this house with power.
He has physical strength. Metal bars. Locks and keys and Dolly’s eyes. But I have those apples and inside of them, in their tiny seeds, is everything I need to take him down.
I watch Alice melt in my presence. And I think something else. Something about power.
“Have you ever tried an apple muffin?” I ask her. She looks up at me with wonder. As though it sounds delicious, and like something we will do together. And I think, Mick may have my daughter. But I have his.
38
Day sixteen
“I’m sorry that was a dead end,” Reyes said to Nic as they turned back toward town.
Nic was confused. He’d just said something entirely different not five minutes before.
“What about finding those investors? And the utility companies? I thought we were going to see if anyone checks in on the place—they left the gate open, right?”
Nic had just watched Reyes lock the chains as they were leaving. And now this sudden shift in his demeanor. He was distracted, like his mind was now preoccupied, unable to even remember what he’d just said to her.
“I think it’s futile—I know you don’t want to hear that,” he said. “It was cold and dark in there. No utilities running. And that broken window… we can still check if you want, but it’s a dead end. The fence is there because of that loony bin they wanted to build. Trust me,” he said. “I am the cop, you know.” He let out a slight laugh.
Nic was dazed. Things were moving too fast now. Why hadthey even come to this house? Because no one checked it. Because no one knew it was here. And now it was checked, with no sign of her mother. Reyes was right to be dismissive.
“What about Chief Watkins?” Nic asked.
“Don’t worry. I’ll speak with him as soon as I can. And I still need to find out about that credit card charge your father made in West Cornwall.”
Nic let all of this sink in.
She wasn’t losing her mind. Reyes was the same man who’d held her all night, who’d brought her coffee and taken her to this house. He’d told her about Chief Watkins even though it was likely to hurt him in the end. And he would find out the truth about her father.
“Thank you,” Nic said.
“And what will you do? Where do you want to go?”
