The sad look in his eyes made my stomach drop all over again. I hardly ever saw Bleu in the state that he was in.
“Talk to me momma.” I begged.
She waved her hand drunkenly like she was brushing me off.
“I sacrificed everything for you boys. EVERYTHING!” Her voice rose.
“WE AIN’T ASK TO FUCKING BE HERE!” Bleu shouted.
“You can tell him your problem, but you won’t blame us for it.” He spat.
I solemnly nodded my head because Bleu was right. We didn’t ask to be here and whatever this was, had nothing to do with our existence.
“Oh, shut the fuck up Bleu Langston!” She slurred.
I grabbed her hand and held it tight as her body swayed from side to side.
“Dreu, we had vows!” Her voice cracked and tears streamed down her pretty brown face.
“I married a man I didn’t love,” She hiccupped as snot fell from her nose. “A man I didn’t even like half the time. But I did it cause it made sense, it protected our family’s legacy. We didn’t have love vows. It was arrangement vows. Twisted ones. But vows all the same.” She laughed again, then suddenly slammed her fist against the stone.
“And he broke it.” She spat out bitterly.
“He fucking broke it all!” She hiccupped then burped.
“Lord, I never wanted none of this! Not you! Not Bleu! And surely not him! I wanted to take over the fashion industry! It was my creativity that brought us this far. I wanted to live my life, traveling and fucking whoever I saw fit! I listened to my father, because I was something that you two mother fuckers could never be!! OBEDIENT!” She was so angry a vein popped out of her forehead.
Her words crushed me, my heart fell to the pits of my stomach. I really looked at her and for the first time I saw somebody other than my loving mom. Tears streaked down her face cutting through the makeup she never left the house without. Her thin lips trembled; red lipstick smeared at the corners like she been chewing on her pain. This was years of pent-up agony, regret, and hurt for the decisions she made along the way.
“That nigga,” she spat nastily, “got a fucking baby on the way, can you believe it? I thought when he hit sixty, his dick would stop getting hard.” She laughed dry and bitterly.
My world stopped. I stared at her long and hard, trying to register the words she just spoke.
“A baby with some woman who think she won. Bitch thinks she got something special.” She shut her eyes tightly.
My throat closed, something inside of me shattered. I didn’t care about all the negative words that left her mouth. I could feel Bleu’s stare and refused to meet his gaze. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead into her knee. I gripped her dress like I was that six-year-old boy that didn’t want her to leave me.
“Ma,” I whispered. “You can’t drown yourself like this, not for him.”
She sobbed and laid her head on top of mine.
“He wants a divorce Dreu. After our vows, after everything we both agreed to, he doesn’t want me.” She cried so hard, her entire body shook violently.
“I gave him my youth, my body, he begged for kids, I gave him y’all!” She sat up and pushed me.
My body didn’t budge; I just held on to her tighter.
“In the end, I wasn’t supposed to end like this.” She dropped her head in defeat. “Alone. Embarrassed. Replaced.” She whispered the words brokenly.
Tears burned my eyes.
“You’re not alone. Me and Bleu, we here for you.” I pulled her to me and held her as tight as I could as her sobs shook through me.
I shifted my grip carefully, one arm sliding behind her back, the other under knees.
“Let me get you from this glass, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” I said carefully.
“He wants to split everything down the middle. I’m okay with that, I don’t feel okay…the world is going to be mourning us…” Her words trailed off.
