I knew my mom well and knew what hurt her the most was her image that she worked hard to maintain. To the world, the Langston’s were black love, and goals. People looked up to them and praised them for being together for decades.
I stood slow ignoring the small glass pieces that were embedded in my knee. She was light in my arms as I stepped around pieces of glass and walked towards the steps to their grand porch. She rested her head briefly against my shoulder. The scent of her perfume mixed with alcohol bothered me. She straightened after a couple of seconds as I released her.
“I’m going to be fine Dreu.” She drunkenly stated.
“You don’t look fine, Ma.” I told her reluctantly.
Her tired eyes rolled as she shook her head softly.
Baby,” She uttered, cupping my cheek with a trembling hand. “You don’t have to worry about me. I have no choice but to move on with my life. I’m human Dreu. I needed time to sulk in my own misery.” She burped loudly.
She sniffed the air and frowned. Waving her hand to rid herself of the smell that escaped her mouth she sighed.
“How you expect me not to worry momma?” My lips twisted.
“Because this part of my life is mine. I don’t have to raise you two anymore. Theres no board meetings for me to attend. I’m rich, a fashion icon and I can do whatever I want.” She smiled sadly.
She stepped back, creating space between us. I hated how final the space she created between us felt.
“I want to be alone for a while. I need quietness, distance so I can remember who I was before I became somebody’s wife and somebody’s shield.” She whispered the words painfully.
“You don’t gotta do this by yourself.” I shook my head.
“Yes, I do,” she said gently but firm. “I’m going to London, first.” She inhaled the night air then lifted her chin.
“London?” I asked stunned.
“Then Greece. Somewhere by the water, and somewhere nobody knows me as his wife or your mother.”
I stared at her like I was looking at a stranger.
“I refuse to live out the rest of my life miserable… If he wants a divorce, he’s got it. I signed the fucking papers. He will never get a chance to see me again unless its at one of our funerals, God forbid. I left the papers in the kitchen. My bags are packed, Dreu. I won’t rot in bitterness. I won’t sit in a house full of memories and pretend I’m okay. I gave enough and sacrificed enough. I love you boys and won’t impose on your life any more than what I have already done.” She sadly looked over at Bleu and held her hand out towards him.
Tears filled my eyes again, but this time it wasn’t just from pain. I respected what she said, what she wanted. I also understood she meant no harm by mentioning the things she never wanted like Bleu and I but had us to please our father. She was only human, it didn’t matter if she was drunk speaking her real mind, I somehow understood.
Bleu stepped up on the step and slowly held his arms out for both of us. I held my arms out and we embraced each other.
“I deserve happiness even if I have to cross oceans to find it.” Her voice cracked.
“I understand mother.” Bleu spoke first.
He patted my back firmly as I swallowed down the painful lump in my throat.
“I’ll still come visit my grandbabies.” She told Bleu lowly.
“I know you will, and we can come see you sometimes too.” He reassured her.
“Dreu, find you a good woman and slow down a little bit. I’m proud of you both.” She pulled away slowly.
“Bleu we haven’t always seen eye to eye but I’m so proud of the man you’ve become.” Her hand stroked the side of his face lovingly.
She got on her tippy toes as Bleu leaned down for her to plant a firm kiss on his cheek. She turned to me and my world stopped.
“I never stopped believing in you, Dreu. You a superstar, big celebrity…I’m happy you found your passion and therapy in music. No matter how far I go in this world, I’m still in here.” She touched my chest and smiled weakly.
I nodded my head slowly trying to accept everything because I had no choice. This was her life, and she had to decide how to live it.
“I found a woman, when I get ready to marry her you better be here.” I offered her a small smile.
