“Do what you want, Tavia.” He said evenly behind me.
Right. Because that’s how our relationship had become. It was a series of half-hearted invitations and even weaker emotions along with a forced fucking connection.
I adjusted my purse strap, ready to walk out before I said something that I didn’t have the energy to fight about with him. I felt the regret in his words before he called back out to me.
“Hey…baby.” He said hesitantly, but I heard the concern.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat that held so many emotions and turned back to him. It felt like his eyes were really on me now. He studied my face like he’d just noticed it after days of seeing me.
“You look tired or something…you okay?” He asked voice now filled with concern.
“I’m fine,” I lied smoothly.
Devin’s bushy brows bunched together then straightened as he continued to fake study me.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” I forced a tight smile.
What the hell you gone do to make me feel better if I was to tell you the truth?I thought, stopping myself from rolling my eyes hard as hell at him.
He nodded his head promptly losing his interest and fake concern fast.
“Aiight, I’ll see you when you get home. A nigga kind of horny but don’t want to hear you complaining about being late to work.” He spat.
That opened a can of worms because now I was ready to be late for work, and I probably would after saying what it was I been holding in for the past couple of months.
“Yeah, I never like to be late on anything. Things like going to a job on time to show good work ethics and paying bills on time is important…especially bills like rent.” I emphasized.
“Whatever.” He waved me off.
I frowned, then I tried to bite into my bottom lip to calm myself but that was a fail. I was never the type to bite my tongue and not speak my mind. Lately, I haven’t had the energy to really express how I really been feeling towards his lazy ass for the past couple of months. I was struggling, the shit wasn’t a secret. I had complained about the shit on several occasions and Devin seemed not to give a fuck because not once did he offer to take some of the heavy load off my shoulders.
“Whatever?” I cocked my head to the side, ready to unload the clip on his dumb ass.
“It’s always a whatever when people don’t have any real responsibilities to tend to.” I kept my voice calm.
“What the fuck does that supposed to mean?!” Devin yelled sitting up straight.
I never understood why people used so much energy to yell. I hardly ever raised my voice, because whatever I said would remain just that. Didn’t matter if I yelled it or whispered it.
“It means, I take things more seriously. I don’t plan on depending on my parents to help me pay anything around here. Which is why I take my ass to work on time so I can pay my bills on time. I also don’t give bullshit ass excuses, saying shit like ‘I’m not settled in’ yet so I don’t have to take on any responsibilities by having to pay for bills around here.” My voice went even lower.
Devin’s beady eyes grew two sizes big; he frowned then pointed his stubby ass finger in my direction.
“I help around here, you done went way left with shit.”
“You help by taking the trash out, and?—”
“So, you basically saying you want me to help you with your rent since I’m here?” He asked in a cautious tone.
“I mean, duh? You’ve been on my couch for the past couple of months. You eat the food I cook, and you fuck me when you feel the need. You only leave to go home to your mom when you’re upset with me. You live here, Devin… I shouldn’t have to keep mentioning you helping on the fucking rent.” I spat totally disgusted with him.
He started his yelling and accusations; I simply turned on the balls of my feet and walked out of my apartment.
Fuck him!I thought to myself as the brisk air smacked me right in the face. I wanted to feel ashamed of how good that made me feel. Getting some shit off of my already heavy chest then walking out on Devin in the middle of him going off. I ruined his day with truth while making my day feel better. I’ll take that as a small win.
The in love me would have never spoken to my man like that. I loved being submissive and also didn’t mind catering to my man. Devin stopped doing the things that made me want to treat him like a king, so I said fuck it, a long time ago. He stopped putting in the effort and I wasn’t here to guide him and tell him how to be my man.
