I slung my purse over my shoulder, stepped around Devin’s shoes, and walked out of my room towards the front door. Soon as I touched the knob, I heard my couch springs groan behind me. I cringed inwardly and turned around because I knew he was looking at me.
Devin sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes like he was exhausted from a full night’s work instead of a full night of either partying or doing nothing but getting babied by his mom.
Why the hell am I even doing this with him?I asked myself as I looked into his tired brown eyes. Devin was okay looking, a lot of times he didn’t care about his appearance. He had the nerve to have hair but hardly kept it freshly braided. Right now,his hair was wild and mashed on one side and his shirt was twisted around his torso.
Devin was light skinned with a thick beard; his beady eyes pierced my eyes as he stretched before speaking.
“You leaving already?” He croaked, voice heavy with sleep.
“I have work, Devin. It’s 7 o’ clock.” I tried my best not to sound annoyed.
Devin technically worked whenever he wanted to. His father was a manager over a casino. To me, he didn’t have a job since he hardly went to work.
“Oh,” he stretched again, bones cracking. He stared at me like he was debating something before motioning for me to come to him.
At first, I didn’t move from where I was standing. I prayed he didn’t ask me for any damn money, or reassurance in something he didn’t know how to give back to me when I needed it the most. Plus, I wasn’t in the mood to smell his morning breath.
Yeah, the love is definitely missing between us.
“What’s up.” I said taking a couple of steps towards him but keeping enough space between us for me to breathe in the lavender candles that relaxed me on my glass coffee table.
“You know that big music festival I was talking about? The Vegas Vibe out? It’s tomorrow night.” He said excitedly.
I nodded my head as he scratched the back of his head. I already knew about the festival. Devin had been talking about it with his homies for weeks. He never asked once if I wanted to go. Probably because of his friends bragging on the phone about how all the bad bitches would be there.
Devin kept scratching the back of his neck and I knew what that meant. Three years of being with him, I had him figured out. He wanted something and was trying to gather up the courage to ask me some shit that I didn’t want to be asked.
“So, I got that nigga Deon a ticket, his job won’t give him time off. Then Stylez end up going out of town…” He licked his dry lips as his words trailed off.
“I thought maybe you could come with me.” He smirked.
I blinked and just stared at him with a blank face. Devin hadn’t taken me anywhere in months. The last time we went out was to a cheap ass restaurant close to my apartment.
“Tomorrow?” I repeated slowly.
“Yeah,” he shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “Should be fun, we can go out to eat beforehand, pregame with drinks. I just don’t want to go alone.”
There it was the real reason. My stomach dropped, not from excitement, but from the familiar ache of realizing I wasn’t invited because he wanted me there. I was invited because his circle flaked and he didn’t want to go alone. I wanted to break things off right then and there but couldn’t find the courage to save my life.
“I offered to go into the call center tomorrow for over time.” I tried to keep my voice neutral.
“You can call out, it ain’t like they gone fire you. You always there anyway.” He rolled his eyes.
That irritated me. My job was the only thing stable I had, unlike him and us together.
“I can’t just call out, Devin. I need the extra money. I want to get ahead of my bills so I can get my hair and nails done.” I said almost too emotionally.
I was overdue like my cousin Tammy said to treat myself to something nice so I could feel a little better about myself. Devin rolled his eyes again.Sassy bitch,I thought as I watched him flop back against my couch cushions.
“Damn, Tavia. I’m tryna do something nice, and like always you making that shit hard.”
Something nice? I bit the inside of my lip because that was bullshit to me. He hadn’t asked how I slept. Hadn’t hugged or cuddled with me nor told me I was beautiful in forever. But a damn music festival was his version of trying to romance me, apparently.
I swallowed the frustration that swelled in my throat.
“I’ll…think about it.” I murmured before turning on the heels of my feet.
I didn’t want to take my depressive state of mind out on him. Which was probably another reason why I hadn’t broken up with him. Devin wasn’t perfect and neither was I. It wasn’t his fault that I was unhappy right now with myself loathing and everything that came with it.
